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“Best Places to Work” is for selling magazines

3865839812 c6b2968874 Best Places to Work is for selling magazines

, originally uploaded by The Absence of Alternatives.

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All hands on deck. Literally.

3865839638 48a18e6467 All hands on deck. Literally.

I speak Dilbert, originally uploaded by The Absence of Alternatives.

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“Red Dawn! Red Dawn!”

3864261297 3125fa580f Red Dawn! Red Dawn!

, originally uploaded by The Absence of Alternatives.

What I was thinking when I saw the military helicopters flying through the quiet suburb in the middle of the day…

p.s. They are remaking Red Dawn…  I have one thing to say: “Don’t fuck it up!”

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Yet another “I hate my job” post? No, really. You’ve got to read this one…

I Hate My Job

This is the best “I Hate My Job!” post I have seen.  Found on Reddit.  Submitted by PreHack.  Read till the end:

“My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.”

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Wedding invitation that I suspect every mom wanted to send…

Wedding invitation

the bride

P.S. We have no idea of WHAT he sees in her!!!

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I want to love my airlines, I really do… Just keep bringing me the alcohol…

Moldy Grapes found in first class

These are the grapes served with dinner on one of my UA flights. Notice the white fussy thingy in at least two places? Mold.

No. I didn’t say anything to the flight attendant since I was for once upgraded to the first class, and boy, was I grateful! Besides, the flight attendant was pretty good at refilling my drinks.

Moral of the story: If you keep my glass full, I’m willing to look the other way. Literally. Thank you very much.

I know. I am a total sellout. Or an alcoholic. Or both.

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Think you hate your job? Think again…

Think you have a shitty job? Think again!

Now I feel much better. Back to work I go…

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If I don’t write this down I will probably forget and it would be as if I never witnessed the genius in my kid

Act. 1 “The Middle Number”

Mr. Monk wondered aloud in the back of the car,

“What is in the middle of all the numbers?”

“Uh. Honey. We can’t know that since we don’t know what the ‘last number’ is.”  Taking a deep breath, I was all too scared of explaining the concept of infinity to a 6 year old while speeding towards the gymnastics practice.  (Not for me. I can only wish. For my oldest).

“Well, I think it is ZERO. Because you know, there are negative 1, 2, 3…”

 

Act 2. “Black and White Chicken”

We were having Boston Market.   To my kids, Boston Market is one of the greatest treats, almost like Thanksgiving, only better.  Well, better for me at least.  Sometimes I am embarrassed by their excitement when I say, “We are going to have Boston Market!”  So easy.  Almost like taking candy from a baby…

I commented on how it was a great deal to pay $2 more for all white meat since nobody likes dark meat especially the thighs. 

“I wonder how they found black and white chicken!” marvelled Mr. Monk

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“You know, if only I could just make a decent cup of coffee, I could relax!”

If you really want to contextualize the social and cultural circumstances in which this Folgers commercial was made, then we can all go back to school and read upon all the feminist histories and theories. But this commercial simply makes me laugh out loud. It makes us feel better about ourselves, about how far we have come. Like the fact we now have an African American as the President, racism must be no more.

If only I could just make a decent cup of coffee, I could relax!

If only life were that simple…

p.s. Read the comments, and decide how far we have come.

p.p.s. I always wince when people lament about the Good Old Days. Read the comments, and see for yourself why.

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This is why I love the grouchy old man Stewart…

You can debate the merits of HCR or whether Mr. Stewart did “OWN” Betsy McCaughey on this segment (she may be crazy but she has guts, you have to give her that!) What Jon Stewart said at 2:00 is the reason why I love and respect him.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive – Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 2
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Healthcare Protests
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