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If I were working on an ethnographic study on the Global Twitter Tribe, I would start here with Twitter Earth…

Drawing1 755148 If I were working on an ethnographic study on the Global Twitter Tribe, I would start here with Twitter Earth...

If you have some inexplicable fascination of Twitter, the much beloved or maligned or questioned (depending on you hang out with…) but can't-be-ignored, new kid on the block, by my troth! you definitely should check out Twitter Earth
Twitter Earth is basically a 3D presentation of Twittervision, which shows every tweet, live, and where it comes from, visually. You just need to trust me and click on the link here… words failed me… which they often do… 
Whenever I clicked on Twitterearth, I found myself thinking, "Wow, I could really sit here and watch this thing all day." Meaning, instead of watching the goldfish swimming on the Aquarium screen saver, I would rather watch Tweets around the globe live in action.
Even more wishful thinking would be to watch this thing on a JumboTron…  Wouldn't it be cool to have this app running non-stop on the giant screen at Times Square?!  
p.s. To those who wonder when I will stop yapping about Twitter "Enough Already!" tomorrow, I shall yap about… t-shirts!!! 
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In honor of the Bard’s birthday, prithee, we should channel Katharina from The Taming of the Shrew…

Today (April 23) is William Shakespeare’s 445th birthday, and Chicago Mayor Richard Daly had proclaimed last week that today would be Talk Like Shakespeare Day in Chicago, since you know, the Second City is known for its high culture and all…

Of course today is the day I wish I had ordered Shakespeare’s Insults : Fie on thee! I knew it would have come in handy one day!

The Chicago Shakespeare Theatre was more than happy to abide and set up the Talk Like Shakespeare website. Using the latest Internet sensation, who else? Twitter! they are even providing a translation service of some sort:

“A live feed straight from the Bard!” Tweet @ShakespeareSays any modern phrase, and he’ll post on Twitter what it would have sounded like four hundred years ago. Whoever is behind that, Bard? is hilariously funny. As of this moment, the latest tweet is:

“Dear Blago: The hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less.”

Merry-making aside, in accordance with my persona, I would like to channel Katharina from The Taming of the Shrew… (not just for today, of course, as my poor husband would gladly point out…):

Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak,
And speak I will; I am no child, no babe:
Your betters have endur’d me say my mind,
And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,
Or else my heart, concealing it, will break:
And rather than it shall, I will be free
Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

Shrews FTW!

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Say What? Only in real life would such funny things be said in a court of law. And only in America…

This email was sent to me this morning, and provided much laughter inside my head.  I believe, like all jokes being passed around on the Internet today, this has been going around for a few years, especially considering that the following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History by Charles M. Sevilla, published in 1999. 
Some of the gems from's brief introduction to the book:
A psychiatrist, starting with a court assertion that "we're not arguing truth here, we're arguing evidence," declares that "I am not here using common sense, I am an expert." A defendant accused of drunken driving displays delightful candor by pleading "guilty as hell." A team of three overzealous defense attorneys beats up a client to provide evidence of self-defense.
Apparently, the following are "things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place."
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there..

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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“Twouble with Twitters” Funny animation vid explaining and condemning Twitter


Funny in a, “I know there is something wrong but I just can’t stop it” kind of way. Sort like chocolate. Or, porn, for some people, I guess.

“Who are you talking to?”
“No one and every one!”

Someone posted link to this vid as a comment to the thought-provoking “It’s Official – Twitter Is A Cult” by Jeremy Toeman. In which Mr. Toeman did an analysis, comparing Twitter to the official definitions of a cult. It is humorous yet alarming at the same time.

The entire article is here:

I am trying to cut back. But Twitter to me was like weed in the beginning. Now that I have installed Tweetdeck, it has become like crack cocain. So easy to get addicted to, so much harder to rehab.

Posted via web from The Absence of Alternatives

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Wired article struck a cord and so I am copying and pasting the whole thing…

Ok. I am not really going to do this. But I just want to do something about this article: Scott Brown’s “Gag Reflexes” in Wired (April 2009). The online edition has a longer title: “Scott Brown on Stand-Up Comedy, Lingua Franca of the Wired World” which sums up Mr. Brown’s theory.

Maybe crumple up the page and eat it. But I already promised my husband that I will refrain from wrinkling up any magazine pages before he’s done with them. (Ok. I am attempting to be funny here. If you read Mr. Brown article, you would understand why I feel exposed, caught in the act of trying to be funny. To earn more currency in this new economy…)

Is it wrong to want to quote an entire article really? Ok. Maybe not 100%. I don’t really care for the examples Mr. Brown gave to support his argument. But the insights sprinkled in-between, those struck a cord.

I am no writer, and I am too tired (not to mention lazy), and here is my journal (i.e. I will do what I damn please), so I am going to jott down sentences that particularly resonate with me, and be done with it: (Thank goodness for Ctrl + C & Ctrl + V !!)

“… everything is ‘material,’ and life is one big writer’s room, a massive clusterchuckle of witty one-upsmanship

“More than that: Everyone must be funny. Because ‘funny’ is becoming a language unto itself, the lingua franca of the wired world.”

Always feel this way since I got hooked on Twitter. Sometimes it feels almost like a comedy show writers’ room, the pressure is on to be the next funniest. hence wisest, person in the Twitter stream that you can see.

“Humor saturates the infosphere, for at least two reasons: First, a successful joke implies insight, and insight, especially if it’s pithy and self-explanatory, is the basic currency of a high-speed information economy. Second, the fundamental tools and techniques of that economy—memory, annotation, contrast, collage—are also the fundamental tools of comedy.”

I absolutely agree with #1. Feeling grateful that someone actually voiced this murky concept so clearly in one single sentence. Everyone is a guru of life, and the shallow shall be deep again. Not so sure about #2 since those are the fundamental tools of storytelling, upon which human history has been, and will be, passed on. What we don’t see in the histories in the past is IRONY and self-awareness, imo, which, well, make intelligent comedies.

Moreover, it has always been my one belief that a great sense of humor indicates a great presence of intellect and tolerance.

And this final quote may sound like an accusation “Gotcha!”

“If the references are flying over your head, no worries: You can zip over to Wikipedia and be back in time for the punch line.”

Like I said, Google is Your Friend! Raise your hand if you have NEVER done this… Thankfully Mr. Brown provided hyperlinks to all the references he cited for the article.

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Which countries lead in Teenage Drunkenness? Note to self: Do not move to Denmark…

Teenagers 731114 Which countries lead in Teenage Drunkenness? Note to self: Do not move to Denmark...

This Daily Chart from the Economist solved it for me: have been agonizing over whether to move to Denmark since we love Legos so… Now I know with two impressionable boys, this is a country we should keep away from during their teenage years…

Denmark and excessive drinking? No surprise really, if you have seen this vid:

Lego Beer Song – The best free videos are right here

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This is how you should order your fastfood! Taco Bell Drive-Thru Song


The most amazing things about this vid, in addition to the lovable singers-songwriters and the catchy lyrics and melody, are the ordering screen keeping up with the food items mentioned in the song and the drive-thru guy.

Is this truly unscripted? The drive-thru guy is not in on this? Amazing! He should definitely get a raise: THE BEST order taker at a drive-thru I have ever seen.

Posted via web from The Absence of Alternatives

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If you like Sound of Music, you are going to love this. DO Re Mi remixed!


The beginning may be slow, but stay with it. It is so cool I am getting goose bumps all over my body just watching it now as I type this.

Posted via web from The Absence of Alternatives

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“Man boobs”, or, To raise boys you need great sense of humor…

photo 771334 Man boobs, or, To raise boys you need great sense of humor...

I was finally going to go to bed but found in the dark something on my
pillow. I could tell that they are water-filled balloons since the
boys were playing with balloons in the bathtub earlier… I also felt
a note so I turned the light on again to read it. Imagine my surprise
& mixed reactions when I saw the "balloons" in this fashion… And the
note as written by my 11yo says:

It was 6 yo's idea to put them together like this and call them "man
boobs". He in now way likes this but promised to do something so only
20% his fault.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I will sleep for 3 hours
first then decide.


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The importance of understanding Chinese…

Someone forwarded me this as a cautionary tale for people to understand the Chinese characters on the t-shirts they are wearing or, especially important, those that you are about to have tattooed on your body:

1. Pig. Not BOAR. But PIG. There is only one common Chinese word which stands for all types of pigs, but mostly the domesticated pigs, so yes, all negative stereotypes apply and don’t kid yourself by saying what you have means BOAR. NOT.

2. Not sure whether she is knowingly wearing the t-shirt for shock values since it says “Love intercourse the most”. ‘nough said.

3. Chicken. Again, the one common Chinese character that stands for all chicken, so for example, Rooster is “male chicken”, chick, “little chicken”, chicken (that you eat), “chicken meat”, and so on. The trouble with this t-shirt is that this word is also a slang for “hooker”…

4. The kanji (Chinese characters used in Japanese) on the t-shirt says PERVERT. It would be funny if the person wearing it looked anything but…

Posted via email from The Absence of Alternatives

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