Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

December 11, 2009

in a picture is worth a thousand words


I was thinking since I am all over the map going from warm fuzzy pictures of my kids smiling like angels to crazy ass inappropriate jokes and cursing to crazy ass all-out ranting on people/events/things that piss me off. I either have ADHD or Bi-Polar, I realized, or as my husband would gladly tell you, “Insane in the Membrane”. I was thinking, perhaps I should create a Warning System for my blog.

Straight from Homeland Security

Don't you wish there is such a system for everything in life?

I really like how Homeland Security did the color coded chart because, as we all know, homo sapiens (“Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”) are visual animals. Really, when I see the ORANGE color at the airport, I become appreciative and understanding of the 1-hour wait at the security line. When disaster strikes, nothing is going to get my fat ass moving faster than seeing a RED flag waving in the air.

Won’t it be cool if I have a Warning System for this blog, before you start reading a post, you would know what to expect:

Blog Advisory System: Don't say I didn't warn you!

Blog Advisory System: Don't say I didn't warn you!

Of course, after an hour of working on my Blog Advisory system, I realized that no Advisory System is going to reach the goal of MECE: Mutually Exclusive and Collectively Exhaustive. Mock ye not. This is something the McKinsey & Co. consultants live and die by. And they get paid big bucks for being anal retentive. No shit. For instance, it worries me that the heartless dicks and grouchiest bitches amongst you will need a special warning such as this one:

Danger Ahead

Well, like I said, don’t say that I didn’t warn you…

{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

mepsipax December 11, 2009 at 9:12 am

Oh you fucker. You dropped a cute bomb this early. I will not stand by… Ahhhh who am I kidding.
.-= mepsipax´s last blog…Fuck Ups =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:48 pm

I gave you a warning. But NOOOO, like any other man, you had to go “check it out”. It is just too easy. Man.



Elly Lou December 11, 2009 at 9:19 am

Somebody had a full pot of coffee and too much time with graphics programs this morning. Can I be you when I grow up?
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Fingers Crossed =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:49 pm

I did it when I was working through the night and needed something to look at other than an excel with 1000s of lines… So, in this context, I’m not sure whether you’d still want to be me. But HAVING A FULL POT OF COFFEE is always something to strive for.


peedee December 11, 2009 at 10:00 am

Wait, where are the kittens??? I’m confused.
.-= peedee´s last blog…Sleepyhead =-.


Jane December 11, 2009 at 11:09 am

Oh my gosh! You are too funny and too creative for your own good! Call me “Gold” ’cause I love you!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Some Things Are More Important =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:51 pm

I don’t know why when you said, Call me GOLD, my immediate reaction was, “Ok, Beyonce.” 😉 Something related to Austin Powers I am sure.

Awww. Thank you, m’lady. THAT’s called BLIND adoration and Temporary loss of sanity. 😉


December 11, 2009 at 11:30 am

I would say I am Code Blue…oh wait, never mind this is not a hospital.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog… =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:52 pm

The hospital is next door. 😉


Peedee December 11, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Oh shit. It must have been early or the IT guys at work are blocking all cute kitten pics now. I SEE THE KITTENS. I need a drink.
.-= Peedee´s last blog…Sleepyhead =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Probably the word “kitty” is on the “FILTER” list at work.

Yeah. I need a drink too. At the drop of a hat.


Merrilymarylee December 11, 2009 at 7:09 pm

I am borderline AM, usually triggered by some of my brother’s political opinions. My mother used to shake her head and say, “I’m going to have to cuss him out again!”

I believe she’s channeling me. It’s the least I can do.
.-= Merrilymarylee´s last blog…It’s a Wrap! (Get it?) =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Did you see The Fantastic Mr. Fox? They say “CUSS” a lot since they cannot say Fuck. The movie got a PG rating because of that clever maneuver. We absolutely do not talk about politics and religions when my PIL are around. That would be a disaster in the making.


Amanda December 11, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Love the anonymous foaming warning…

And by the way, I LOVE kittens but this one? Pretty ugly.
.-= Amanda´s last blog…My Last Rant. I Promise =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:56 pm

That’s why I gave the warning. LOL.


Unknown Mami December 11, 2009 at 9:38 pm

Hilarious, but you are far too complex to fall into a single category at any given time.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…Fragmented Fridays =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:56 pm



pixielation December 12, 2009 at 5:06 am

I totally love that idea, and I love your warning rating graphics, and plan to totally steal it, adapt it, and then deny all knowledge of you in the future.
.-= pixielation´s last blog…happiness is a beach =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Steal it! I am sure with your mad photography, artistic, creative skills you can improve this thing many folds. Plus, I bet you have Photoshop? I don’t so I can’t even make it look like the Homeland Security real deal.


Andrea December 12, 2009 at 8:17 am

I don’t know . . . I kinda like the element of surprise when it comes to your posts. A code system would be like taking an early peek at a Christmas present. 😉
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Don’t stop believin’" =-.


Absence Alternatives December 12, 2009 at 6:59 pm

M’lady, you are like living on the edge, always. 😉 And seriously, what you said? Thank you so much for the compliment. *blushing*


magda December 13, 2009 at 7:12 am

i, new to the secret in life, find myself wanting to comment on each and every word of your post. let us just begin with fucktard. what a gift you have just given me. you know how in MS-Word, you can mark up a document to track changes. that would be a nifty comment feature, allowing fucktards like myself to insert fucktard comments all over your post instead of getting busy with quality fucktard work of our own. if i ever get out of our house again or speak to someone over the age of 3 who is not my husband, i plan to immediately find use for my new favorite word. FUCKTARD. i may blog about it.

yours truly
.-= magda´s last blog…Dude, I Just Work Here =-.


Absence Alternatives December 13, 2009 at 8:27 am

You are way too kind on a Sunday morning when you were up all night with the baby. I guess it does have the same effect as alcohol: lack of sleep… So you were wearing beer goggles when you were here. 😉 Thanks for coming and staying. I love FT comments. LOL.

I have a feeling that you will also love the truly new word: Shartle, as created by Elly Lou:

I should try to use both words in one sentence. That’s my goal today.


magda December 13, 2009 at 7:22 am

also new to secret inNERlife and Absence Alternatives 😉 sorry, so overwhelmed by the magic of of fucktard i blew it on the name of your blog name. which is just as well because it gave me additional opportunity to exploit FT.
.-= magda´s last blog…Dude, I Just Work Here =-.


December 13, 2009 at 7:55 am

I love your Blog Advisory System..and your awesome Photoshop skills…please share all your knowledge! I am using PS 11 and know about 1/10000th of what it can do.
.-= JennyMac´s last blog…Hooray for Bloggywood =-.


Absence Alternatives December 13, 2009 at 8:28 am

Thank you! I don’t have PhotoShop. I use Visio. Really. I can’t really do anything fancy. But making charts? Yeah. I love that. I am a dork.

Also, because you write well, you don’t need these things to distract people from the fact that you can’t write, kwim? LOL. So now my secret is out. Ooops. 😉


Velva December 13, 2009 at 9:31 am

Lin, this made me scream with laughter. Everyone should own their very own warning sign. You know this would make a great side business :-) You could make these warning charts and personalize them!
.-= Velva´s last blog…Carrot-Mushroom Barley Stew =-.


Absence Alternatives December 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm

You know what you need for your posts/recipes? A Laziness Chart. Like, RED is for if you are like TKW. A serious cook. Green would be for somebody like me. And I would like to plaster green all over the recipes for cocktails.


Aunt Becky December 13, 2009 at 10:42 am

I am officially in love with you.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog…Go Ask The Daver =-.


Absence Alternatives December 13, 2009 at 2:11 pm

M’lady. *heart* For our private online illicit affair, I have prepared a soundtrack when they want to make our movie:


Traci December 13, 2009 at 1:05 pm

You are too funny. I love the color chart but the cat is priceless!
.-= Traci´s last blog…Day 107 or Wow! Am I Blushing =-.


Absence Alternatives December 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Thank you thank you! 😉


TheKitchenWitch December 13, 2009 at 6:23 pm

We love Insane in the Membrane! This is funny as hell! Awesome!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…The Cat Lady =-.


Absence Alternatives December 14, 2009 at 11:00 pm

THAT was an awesome song. And I am sure I am as far away from the target listener as possible. Which just made it even more awesome. LOL.

Reply December 13, 2009 at 7:31 pm

I’m perfectly good with that warning system. I think you should bottle and sell it. I know people in my life would appreciate some kind of set warning system!
.-=´s last blog…Too Much Togetherness =-.


Absence Alternatives December 14, 2009 at 11:00 pm

Homeland Security will probably come after me. 😉


WickedBitch December 17, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Oh geez, I need one of these warning systems for my blog!
.-= WickedBitch´s last blog…Exclusive Inteview With the Woman Behind Santa =-.


Absence Alternatives January 6, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Thanks! You should totally make one! :-)

Happy new year!

I was reading your latest post about who does not what or not in the house… That is one issue too close to home for me… *sigh*


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