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glove compartment is where vodka is kept

Stolen Day

December 20, 2009

in random

I feel that we have got an extra day out of this insane holiday season…

The original plan was for me to be away for 3 days this past week on a business trip. I would come back late on Friday night and start cleaning, doing laundry, packing, addressing holiday cards, and finishing up holiday shopping ALL on Saturday, and then we would fly out to my in-law’s this morning.

Thank goodness for the snow storm in the DC area. Reportedly the highest amount of snowfall that DC has seen in at least seven years:  at Dulles airport snow accumulation reached 16 inches on Saturday, and 13.3 inches was reported at Reagan. Instead of agonizing over the prospect of waiting in the airport for indefinite time today, we had decided to change our flight to Monday morning. As soon as we made that decision, I felt physically the lessening of the winding inside my head and my body. A collective sigh of relief felt in every corner of the house.

I worked through my check list at a leisurely pace yesterday:

Laundry detergent and gift cards at Costco. Check.

Gift cards & holiday cards for Catechists and gym coaches. Check. (And I assume it is safe to wish the Catechists a Merry Christmas without the possibility of offending them?)

Hold the Mail request at the Post Office. Check.

Newspaper hold. Check.

Neighborhood watch request at the police station. Check.

Kids’ haircut. Check.

Lip wax. Ooops. I forgot. I guess I will just have hairy lips with face powder dangling off the end of my upper lip throughout the holiday.

Laundry and the dreaded folding part. Started and ongoing. (“Predecessor task” in MS Project lingo)

The chaos of packing. Started and ongoing. (“Successor task” in MS Project lingo)

Addressing holiday cards, figuring out whether the cryptic emails from my friend with no mentioning of her husband means she is now divorced, deciding whether to say anything or what to say on the cards to distant cousins who are now divorced, coming up with proper words for our Jewish friends now that we have missed the entire 8-day window of Chanukah to show that we did not forget about Chanukah and we are not sending them the holiday cards now out of our callous Christian (+ 1 pagan) hearts (Thank goodness we can still wish them a “Happy New Year!”), stuffing, licking, stamping. Check. (With NO paper cuts to fingers or tongues. Success!)

In the evening we behaved as if it were any other Saturday evening: my husband went to the movie with my 11 year-old (AVATAR, in 3D); I took Mr. Monk, my 7-year-old, to the mall because he wanted Auntie Anne’s pretzels.

What? Was I crazy to hit the mall on the Saturday before Christmas? Yeah, I thought so as soon as I turned into the mall drive and saw all the cars, moving, squeezing, waiting, and parked.

Here’s a tip for you out there from a Mall Veteran. One word. SEARS. Go to Sears and I guarantee there is a spot for you. Probably not too close if it is the last weekend before C-day. BUT still closer than what you could find at the other parts of the mall. Trust me.

So here is the GOLDEN parking space Mr. Monk spotted. Good job, my lad! I was so excited I wanted to call everybody I know.

I never want to leave this spot again!

Seriously, this was no small feat. I did not want to leave that spot when we were done at the mall. I wanted to stay there, to stake my claim, to “Put a flag on it.”

In addition to getting the best parking space I have ever gotten on a crazy day like this, my stolen day ended up on a high note also because a light bulb went up after I’d had two drinks at the stupid Rain Forest Cafe (aka the worst tourist trap because it is located inside a goddamn MALL! Why is there a tourist trap inside a mall?), ok, a fuzzy light bulb nonetheless, and a thought bubble formed:

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To those who have not heard about my temporary relapse of sanity that led me to embark on this dark and lonely road of trying to make my own bacon-flavored Vodka, I announced my Bacon Vodka experiment in August. Much to my own surprise, I actually followed through immediately and went to Walmart for the supplies on the same day… (Well, part of the reason was because that was when I just discovered PeoepleofWallmart.com and I was really excited to check out Walmart as an ethnographic study. Alas, I could not bring myself to scrumptiously photograph people when they were obviously not at their best. Besides, Karma works in the most mysteriously ways. I don’t look forward to seeing myself on that website).

I also followed through with concocting the brew that day, but it is not until September that I was finally sober enough to blog about the 12 Steps to Bacon Vodka.

Here is a picture of the Bacon Vodka, with bacon in it, on Day 1. After 4 weeks of soaking… this is what the bacon looks like.

Really. Take a look at it. Because if you don’t, you will not fully appreciate the reason why I have been leaving it alone in the freezer until tonight, nor will you fully appreciate the fact that I am a brave soul. Or crazy. Or both.

My youngest has been on my case lately. “Why aren’t you drinking your bacon vodka?” “When are you going to drink your bacon vodka?”

He has gone straight past the obvious question of “Why?” to wholeheartedly accept the fact, yup, my mom has bacon-flavored vodka that she made herself in the freezer. He has also told several innocent bystanders this matter-of-fact-ly when we were out and about.

To not disappoint him further, instead of baking him cookies that he has also asked for, I told him after I came home from work on Friday night:

Do you want to watch me drink the bacon vodka?

(Yup. They are going to grow up to be great writers… I try my best to provide them with a childhood that is as extra-ordinary as possible)

So we did. I mean, I made a Bloody Bacon Mary out of my bacon-flavored vodka, and he watched me drink it with anticipation.

“Did it taste good?”

“Yes. It tastes like tomato soup.”

“Oh. Good!”

And that’s that.

Bloody Bacon Mary

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This post is Part 5 of a series of posts documenting an impromptu DIY project I took on when I done and gone nuts on one Sunday afternoon…  It is indeed very interesting that the whole thing started on a Sunday afternoon, don’t ya think, after I’d been alone with the kids for 2 whole days…  (And, I believe, it is mandatory by law, that whenever I complain about being with the kids for a long period of time, to add this, “…despite the fact that I love them dearly, and yes, I know I will go to the HELL designated for Mothers Who Do Not Enjoy Being With Their Kids 24/7”.)

You can see the Genesis of the Bacon-flavored vodka, my trip to Walmart for the ingredients, 12 Steps to making your own, what it looked like a week before (Hint: LESS disgusting and questionable).  Or you can just take my word for it.

So according to the recipe, I am supposed to soak the  bacon strips in da Vodka for at least 3 weeks and then put the jar in the freezer to separate the fat.  This is the 4th week, so I am doing ok.  Although I have no excuse for why it took me a whole week to perform the step of “Bringing the jar from the cabinet and putting it inside the freezer”.   “I have a full-time job with 2 kids and a husband” just does not seem to work in this case.

Anyhoo, here is how the vodka looks like today:

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…



cat can sleep anywhere

Awww. Isn’t he (she?) cute? I just thought as an apology for showing you the disgusting picture below, I should reward you with a cute sleeping kitty picture.  Ok, here it is.  For real.  Are you ready?

Here it is…

Bacon Week 4

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If I add enough tomato juice, I may be able to swallow it…

September 18, 2009 random

Tweet To recap: I embarked on an experiment to concoct my own bacon vodka, an one-woman moonshine operation on August 30.  The mason jar was wrapped in 3 layers of plastic bags and I had not been able to muster enough courage to peek inside it.  What was I afraid that I might see floating […]

8 comments

12 Steps to the Bacon Vodka Experiment

September 16, 2009 random

Tweet Before I got distracted by Kanye West, and Joe “You Lie” Wilson, and other entertaining news happening on the Interweb (and I guess, also in the real world), on August 30 I got inspired and decided to make my own moonshine based on a recipe I got from, where else? the Interweb: “Add cooked […]

6 comments

Step 1. I went to Walmart for my Bacon-Flavored Vodka Experiment…

August 30, 2009 random

Tweet To recap, I decided to follow the recipe for Bacon-flavored vodka… Why? Because I love Bacon. And I love Vodka. So it seems like a no-brainer… I went to Walmart to gather my supply. Why Walmart when we know they are evil? Because Walmart was the only place where I recall for having ever […]

5 comments

Announcing my new project: Bacon-flavored Vodka…

August 30, 2009 marketing at work

Tweet Apparently Pork-flavored Vodka is gaining some traction now in the Northeast, originated from Seattle, more specifically, the Seattle-based Black Rock Spirits.  According to this online article, Bacon-Flavored Vodka: What’s Next? Eggs Bourbon? , BAKON, the vodka with an oink in it, is getting some dedicated followers because people just love bacon. Thanks to the […]

6 comments