From the category archives:

mark my word: twitter will doom us all

The Fail Whale is Back!

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So how are we expected to start our Monday morning when we come back to our dreary cubicles, we start reading our emails, we find so many things to share with the anonymous Interweb, and we are “all dressed up with nowhere to go”? (Well, some smartie pants whom I adore dearly came up with a list of 10 awesome things we could be doing when Twitter is down that is mired in self mockery. Yes we know we are ridiculous, 140 characters at a time).

Without Twitter as my soap box, my mega phone, my mountain top, I am ready to burst.

Monday mornings already suck ass as it is…

How am I going to complain about having to drag myself out of bed to work? Who do I tell about the Dilbert moments in my office? What do I do now that I don’t have the venue to share my wisdom, or just things that I read and find interesting? I am a closeted SHARER, goddamn it!

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Twitter is down as confirmed by, ironically, tweets...

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Well, let’s keep our fingers crossed that this outage will not last as long and as disastrous as the Fall of August 2009 which lasted for *Shudder* AN ENTIRE FRIGGIN’ MORNING!

In the mean time, I have found quite a few stopgap websites that help ease the panic by reminding me how ridiculous all this is.

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Duly noted. But you know I am going to ignore you and the sarcasm as soon as Twitter is up and running again.

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Non Sequitur on Social Networking

A dear friend of mine passed this comment on Social Networking along to me from none other than the always brilliant Non Sequitur cartoon. She received it from her doting partner whose eyes could not have rolled any further when my friend and I were comparing our notes on using Twitter…

I found myself more in love with humanity on the Internet when the very human, physical part of it is stripped. Without the physical indicator to dictate who we are from the outside, thus evading the tyranny of visual cues and first impressions and the temptations of ass-u-me-ptions, the Internet just seems to be a better equalizer.

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Unknown Mami over at well, Unknown Mami, struck gold with this great idea of creating yet another Internet Meme:

I comment therefore I am.

Unknown Mami

The idea is: we express ourselves, in addition to through our own blogs, also by leaving traces of ourselves with our comments all over the interweb.  Unknown Mami decided that all of our comments are worthy enough to be turned into real posts. Because she herself is a prolific commentator, she is turning this into a weekly feature on her blog, otherwise the post would get too long… she said.

An idea that cuts down the actual writing? Esp. in the blasted month of NaBloPoMo? I am 100% down with it. I will at least try it this once. Take that NaBloPoMo! Another DAY bites the dust! Besides, I always do believe that comments are often the funniest, sometimes the scariest (i.e. on the political blogs), yet always the most revealing part of a website/blog.

I thought some of you may want to play too!  So gather up all of your stellar comments: all your humorous, ironic, sarcastic, poignant, illuminating, sincere, pontificating comments, and turn them into a post.

The following are selected evidence of my insomnia, my restlessness, when I roam the earth in search of my next victim…  Again, warning: discussions of Race and Stereotypes abound…

In response to #11 Asian Girls on the list that Stuff White People Like

Disclaimer/Explanation: The way I see it, this site, Stuff White People Like, employees a tongue-in-cheek, straight-faced, sardonic, wry humor that I recognize in myself. When I saw #11 Asian Girls, I thought it was hilariously awesome. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, we have no right to laugh at the others. That’s how I view this world. Of course, of all the “items” listed on this HUMOR site, #11 has proven to be the most controversial and incited the most comments, and heated debates. Please be warned, and I am being serious, many most of the 17,295 (as of today) comments are lewd (even by my standard) and malicious. And in case you wonder, yes, I did read through many pages of the previous comments, before I left mine on Page 454. I considered it to be Cultural Study. Or as Sun Tzu said, “Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without a single failure.” (I have to google this shit up too. So no, just because I am Chinese doesn’t mean I have studied the Art of War…)

p.s. Something funny: I actually “tracked down” the genius who wrote #11 Asian Girls, and he wrote, “Yes, I am the non-white guy that is part of StuffWhitePeopleLike. Please stop sending my hate mail…”

Without further delay, here is one of the finest comments I have written. A masterpiece in the art of sarcasm.

#11 Asian Girls

submom on June 10, 2009 at 9:58 am

Dear Sir, I would like to thank you for putting us #11 out of the many things that white people like. I feel truly honored. (Do NOT imagine me saying that in an accent a la Master Splinter…)

On the other hand, I have to be honest, I am rather peeved that we are not on the Top 10 List. (Wes Anderson?! Ok. Fine. I can live with that. I like him too) I am not sure whether you have had a chance to read through all 14500+ comments generated by this post. (Great job! Congrats!) Granted most of them are hate mails from all groups of males: Maybe for once they can all agree to hate Asian females and hate each other? I thought I’d leave a post to thank your readers for the new insights about ourselves that I didn’t know before.
Here are a few things I’ve learned from your ab. fab. and maddeningly funny post:

1. If you are white and male and you are looking to date a girl of Asian descent (hey, let’s be PC here, peeps!) show her to your other Asian, preferably male, friends. (If you have no other friends of Asian descent, hmmm, I think there should be another post about this situation but I digress…) As a last resort, take her to any Asian restaurant (No, Panda Express does NOT count!) Ask them whether she is HOT by their standards. Do not trust your own judgement.

2. If you are a girl of Asian descent and are fielding interest from a non-Asian male, do ask him whether he’s ever been to Asia and more importantly, whether he’s taught English there. If YES to the latter or if he has stayed there for longer than a month, RUN.

3. If he says, “I love Panda Express.” Punch him in the nose and then RUN.

4. If you think you may be suffering from Yellow Fever or Asian Fetish, you really should get it looked at. Your insurance may cover it.

In response to the question posted on BlogHer: Dating Deal Breakers: What Merits an Automatic Dismissal?

I said:

“The first two questions I asked my husband as a litmus test when he first showed signs of interest in me (or when I finally were sure that he was interested): 1. Did you belong to a fraternity? 2. Have you ever been to Asia for an extended period of time?/Have you dated a woman of Asian descent?  He answered NO to both.  I admit I based the first question on stereotypes of frat boys from the movies/TV shows.  Yes, I am a Fraternist. No apology there.  The second question was necessary because I am Asian, and I have seen enough Western men (regardless of skin colors) with “yellow fever” to be alarmed. If he were into me JUST (or even, first and foremost) because I am Asian. Then sorry, not into that.  I have also seen enough white boys being totally spoiled in Asian countries thinking they are the cat’s meow to want to weed out, or at least be super cautious towards, anybody that has spent a lot of time over there.

My other deal-breakers are more normal: RUDE to people in the service industry, e.g. waiters, doormen.  Failure to hold doors open for others.  Ok, maybe not so normal. I consider these to be telltale signs for a person’s character.”

Inadvertently I shared too much too candid too soon. Seriously, are you surprised? I may have also touched upon an area, race/skin color, that in general makes people hesitate, if not downright uncomfortable. The host of this discussion did not respond to my comment.

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OMG Gmail is DOWN!

September 1, 2009 a picture is worth a thousand words

Tweet Gmail Fail, originally uploaded by Rammikins!. Who you gonna call?

Armageddon is here: Twitter is down and Fail Whale is not even there?!

August 6, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet I can’t believe I am saying this, but I wish Fail Whale will come back soon! We miss you, Fail Whale! We will never been mean to you and call you names again! Just come back!! You are so much better than a lot of other scenarios, we have now realized! So… by now […]

3 comments

“Mommy, is tweeting bad?”

June 24, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet Nope. Didn’t make this up. This came up in my conversation with my 6 year-old, Mr. Monk, in the car today. Most of our conversations happen in the car now, it seems. Could Mr. Monk be that smart so as to figure out that when I am driving, I am cornered and hence have […]

2 comments

If I were working on an ethnographic study on the Global Twitter Tribe, I would start here with Twitter Earth…

April 23, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet If you have some inexplicable fascination of Twitter, the much beloved or maligned or questioned (depending on you hang out with…) but can't-be-ignored, new kid on the block, by my troth! you definitely should check out Twitter Earth…   Twitter Earth is basically a 3D presentation of Twittervision, which shows every tweet, live, and […]

“Twouble with Twitters” Funny animation vid explaining and condemning Twitter

April 14, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet via youtube.com Funny in a, “I know there is something wrong but I just can’t stop it” kind of way. Sort like chocolate. Or, porn, for some people, I guess. “Who are you talking to?” “No one and every one!” Someone posted link to this vid as a comment to the thought-provoking “It’s Official […]

Wired article struck a cord and so I am copying and pasting the whole thing…

April 13, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet Ok. I am not really going to do this. But I just want to do something about this article: Scott Brown’s “Gag Reflexes” in Wired (April 2009). The online edition has a longer title: “Scott Brown on Stand-Up Comedy, Lingua Franca of the Wired World” which sums up Mr. Brown’s theory. Maybe crumple up […]

Power of Twitter got to @RainnWilson whose followers surpassed 100,000 today…

February 27, 2009 mark my word: twitter will doom us all

Tweet Who says that size does not matter? When I first started following Rainn Wilson (of The Office Dwight the Beet Farmer & B&B Operator fame) on Twitter, he only had a meagerly 60,000+ followers. And that was like, last week. Here is a Tweet that he just sent out, in celebration of the 100K […]