Warning Signs: To hell in a handbasket

March 8, 2010

in a picture is worth a thousand words

I know that the Catholic Church, and many other Christian churches, has a complicated relationship with Science. So I appreciated the fact that they DO indeed include Science in the curriculum for Catholic schools. In the public schools that my kids have been to, Science has always been taken as a given. There was never an attempt to try and define “Science” before the kids started taking science classes. This was why when I chanced upon the display of children’s works in the hallway of this Parochial school, I was absolutely intrigued. However, I still don’t quite understand what was going through the teacher’s mind when s/he decided to ask the children in a parochial school to make posters on what they think “Science is…”

Was it done with a sense of self-awareness and irony? Most likely not. How many other people that passed by this hallway actually noticed the irony in these innocent words of children with alarm and fascination the way that I did?


No wiser words have been spoken in this hallway...


Science is... What?



The other day as I was driving by the same school and church, my oldest pointed out this sign to me. We thought it was hilarious. But of course, I have an out-of-whack sense of humor which alarmingly is being passed down to my children. As I am heading to hell in a handbasket, please heed my plea that my children however are innocent victims of nurture and nature.

Srly. I thought you are supposed to teach people to be nice, at least when you are right outside the church...


This brings me to several of my favorite warning signs:


From our beloved The Bloggess


I srly want to post this in my house. Like I said, I am hell bound...


Warning: Facetiousness Ahead



Update: I believe someone at Huffington Post is spying on me… Two days after I published this post, they came out with “The Craziest Prohibition Signs: Who Would Try These Things?” Really, when you post a question such as this in your title, you are just daring people. Here’s looking at you, kid…


Andrea March 8, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Oh man, I have to steal that “Warning!” one for my classroom desk! Or would that be unprofessional? :)
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"This Too Shall Pass" =-.

Absence Alternatives March 8, 2010 at 6:00 pm

But it looks so professional. I believe it is posted in a lot of support centers all over the country. Those ppl are professionals! I say: go for it! 😉

TheKitchenWitch March 8, 2010 at 6:13 pm

Love the signs! I think I need one of each in my home!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…White Trash Motherlode: Jell-o Squares =-.

Maureen@IslandRoar March 8, 2010 at 6:54 pm

The signs are wonderful! I want.
And that whole assignment is rather puzzling, huh?
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog…Trusting My Gut =-.

Wicked Shawn March 8, 2010 at 8:08 pm

It’s impossible not to pass it on. My children are polite in social settings, but their true sarcastic nature shows as soon as they let their guard down.
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog…A Wicked Heads Up =-.

Diane March 8, 2010 at 11:23 pm

The signs are hilarious. My daughter saw a “Slow Children” sign and said, “I don’t think that’s very nice. How would you like to be a kid in this neighborhood wondering if the sign was referring to you?” (Also, just for the record, Catholics believe in evolution and most scientific explanations of history. It’s the fundamentalist Christians who believe the Old Testament Bible stories are factual.)

Absence Alternatives March 8, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Kitch & Maureen, please do take the signs! I haven’t printed them out ’cause I ran out of color inks… I want a t-shirt with the Bloggess’ sign, just sayin’! A bumper sticker for my car would be good too. 😉

Shawn, I am with you. My oldest is the worst and it’s almost like a contest between him and his dad!

Diane, thank you so much for the clarification. (And as always, I really appreciate your grace and good sense of humor. :-) ) Tis good to know that I don’t have to confuse my kids any more. *sigh of relief* The children’s views of what science is did make me chuckle. I am sure eventually they grow up and figure things out on their own.

naptimewriting March 8, 2010 at 11:43 pm

*Love* the facetiousness haz-mat sign. Love.

i was going to do what Diane did and reassure you: I went to Catholic school and graduated 8th grade madly in love with science, fascinated with mitosis, and wanting to be a microbiologist. And a nun. I had a fabulous science teacher grades 6-8 and never, ever thought there was tension between science class and religion class.
.-= naptimewriting´s last blog…Moments of truth =-.

Absence Alternatives March 8, 2010 at 11:53 pm

Naptime (& Diane), I stand corrected. My sincere apology. I appreciate your not being offended. My husb is a Catholic boy and therefore my kids go to religious Ed. I was confused from reading the posters “Science is…” since many of them expressed a certain degree of unease and uncertainty that I wasn’t expecting, and therefore I jumped to conclusion…

I made the haz-mat sign so you are more than welcome to take it. (And, thank you so much! *blush* I am a sign-maker!!!)

p.s. If you are a mother-in-law and you are reading this post, no, I am not your daughter-in-law. Really.

naptimewriting March 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Oh, Absence, no offense taken. I’m completely quantum physics all the way now, with no affinity for the Church. But i just wanted to reassure you that the Jesuits are pretty good teachers of thinking, not just dogma.
.-= naptimewriting´s last blog…Moments of truth =-.

Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla March 9, 2010 at 1:05 am

I’ve often wondered about that “slow children” sign. It seems to be missing a word somewhere. Also, the picture needs a little updating. The boy in the silhouette appears to be wearing liederhosen and a jaunty cap. Just saying.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:16 am

Lol. You are right! Heavy vehicle traffic in the alps?!

Shelli March 9, 2010 at 1:40 am

I won’t go into too much detail about my beliefs. Suffice it to say, my Son’s father and I got into a gargantuan fight about how he would be raised (the ex is Roman Catholic). I actually got support from my MIL, because she only converted to the religion because it was expected of wives back then, and was actually completely against most of the teachings. Yay for me! LOL Anyway, I know that the Catholic church does accept evolution and most science, but I would have jumped to the same conclusion you did upon seeing these signs. My first thought was “WTF does that even mean?!” when I saw them! I wonder, do they get their textbooks from Texas? (slightly facetious, but honest question)

About the “slow children” sign, I too giggled when I first saw one. I wonder if the sign maker noticed the double entendre? Of course, being the jokester that I am, when I see one I usually ask someone in the vehicle with me (Hubby, Son, Step-daughter, etc.) if they’ve been playing in that neighborhood again. 😉
.-= Shelli´s last blog…Epiphanie Give-Away! =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:18 am

I told my son that the sign was for him, then we accused each other. Ah, I love those rare moments of tenderness between me and my eleventeen…

Jana@Attitude Adjustment March 9, 2010 at 7:53 am

I taught at a Catholic private high school, and I can assure you, there IS tension when it comes to science, even though the Catholic church has tried to reconcile it more than a lot of fundamentalist churches. (A fundamentalist friend of mine just doesn’t believe that the world has existed as long as scientists say. A peer of my husband’s in college said fossils were planted purely to test our faith.) One of the science teachers didn’t really teach her subject–instead she had students bring in current events articles (great idea!) that often got redirected into teaching her religious values.

It’s scary.

I like your signs, though. How else do we fight the ignorance if not with a little humor?
.-= Jana@Attitude Adjustment´s last blog…Why We Read Blogs =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:21 am

Jana, thank you too for not being offended and for allowing me to be facetious when it comes to The Church. Though I don’t agree with everything, I do want to show proper respect to other ppl’s religions as I would like to be treated. It’s very fortunate I got to know many open-minded spirits such as yourself on the interweb!

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:22 am

Oh, speaking of ppl that should have known better… We used to have a friend who is a biologist who then married a woman who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs. I seriously don’t even know how that works…

naptimewriting March 9, 2010 at 10:31 pm

How do you not believe in dinosaurs? That’s like not believing in Australia.
.-= naptimewriting´s last blog…Moments of truth =-.

Chris March 9, 2010 at 8:01 am

Actually, where I live in Mississippi, we have signs that say “Slow Moronic Narrow-Minded Rednecks Up Yonder”. These are placed about 50 feet from the Baptist churches. (And you think YOU’RE going to hell? Ha!)
.-= Chris´s last blog…50’s Boys’ Fiction =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:37 am

I am glad I am not the worst offender! LOL. Thanks! That sign… That’s just plain rude. I assume it’s placed on someone’s yard so the church folks haven’t taken it down yet? Actually, I’m hoping that they manage to find humor in it and decide to take it in stride?

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:38 am

By the way, could you take a picture of it?!

lagunatic March 10, 2010 at 2:41 pm

(and then send that pic to me?)
.-= lagunatic´s last blog…Tub nuggets, CHEERS! =-.

Merrilymarylee March 9, 2010 at 8:32 am

I need more coffee. It’s March already. I don’t ‘get’ the science pictures. Is Woody Allen teaching the class?

Impressed with your ability to write on pictures and your sign-savviness. (Is that really a word? Spellcheck didn’t highlight it.)

Ever researched “hell in a handbasket”? Good grief, there are some weird people out there with all the answers. Glad your boys have a quirky sense of humor; ammunition against the pod people.
.-= Merrilymarylee´s last blog…20 Years to Life =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:44 am

You and me, sister. Only had 3 hours sleep last night (doing stupid taxes) and now on train to work… Coffee in an IV. STET!!

Speaking of pod ppl, you saw that V is coming back?! I never saw the ending to the old series, so that would be what I yell out on my death bed: What happened to those ppl? Did they win?! And also: Who killed Monk’s wife?!

Told you I need coffee just as badly…

Jane March 9, 2010 at 8:41 am

OMG. You will never guess how I just got here – to your blog that is. Go ahead! Guess! The Bloggess! Seriously, I couldn’t believe it. She said, “My friend SubWow pointed out..(blah, blah, I didn’t even keep reading ’cause I didn’t care. She mentioned MY friend SubWow! So cool!)” Yay you! You have arrived! (Will you take me with you?)

Oh. Yeah. And by the way — nice signs!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Hey, I Can Do That! Or Can I? Wait. Scratch That…Or Will I? =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:54 am

Wow! Cool beans! (By saying Cool beans, does it mean I am NOT cool?!) Thank you for letting me know! I am actually a bit sheepish right now since I’m afraid I have been busted for not reading her entire post before I left comments on that post… I didn’t know until you told me! That explains the 12 visits coming from her website yesterday. Don’t know about today yet. I am hoping to break my highest traffic day of 214 227 views (when Velva guest-blogged). I will keep you posted. 😉

Doing the happy dance with you in my head: the conductor may kick me off the train if I do my Elaine dance. Yes, that’s what I look like when I dance…

Long live The Bloggess!! :-) we should kidnap her. And doesn’t that female hippie look just like her?! So it’s not just me right?

How long is this comment that I am typing out?! I am high from lack of sleep…

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:57 am

Oh, and thank YOU for adding that last sentence to make your comment about MY wonderful post!! I am onto you missy! … *narrowing my eyes at you*


Kristen @ Motherese March 9, 2010 at 9:22 am

In my neighborhood growing up, there was a sign that said ‘Slow Children Playing.’ I always wondered about the meaning of the word ‘slow’ in this particular case and if it could be referring to me. Slow. I know.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 10:58 am

LOL. I am sorry for laughing. You know you are not slow. You are just too good with the proper use/placement of punctuation marks!

Robin March 9, 2010 at 10:18 am

I can only imagine the things I would pass on to a child if I had one. I already told my husband I would teach them the middle finger as early as possible…he just rolled his eyes at me.
.-= Robin´s last blog…Oh Crap =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 11:01 am

Didn’t you teach your cat the proper use of middle fingers?! Or, as I learned from Elly, they have 4 fingers on each paw so no “middle” fingers? You need to get a human baby. Just sayin’

Elly Lou March 9, 2010 at 11:45 am

I have a sign hanging in my kitchen that says “beware pickpockets and loose women.” I need a slow sticker for my forehead.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Search Optimization-ish =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Can you share a picture of your sign? It sounds really cool!! And does Rocco get disappointed every time, hoping to see the warning materialized? LOL 😉

soccermom March 9, 2010 at 1:01 pm

I freakin LOVE The slow children at play sign.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 6:05 pm

Thank you for visiting and commenting!! And I fringgin love your enthusiasm!!

Now, I know we just “met”, but please stand in front of me when townsfolk show up with torch and pitchforks, ok? LOL

Velva March 9, 2010 at 2:32 pm

I have seen the Slow, Children sign a million times. However, until I saw it on your blog, the humor suddenly jumped out at me.
.-= Velva´s last blog…Spicy Beef Empanadas =-.

Absence Alternatives March 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm

That’s the first and only Slow Children sign I have seen. But judging from the comments, they seem to be everywhere!

secret agent woman March 9, 2010 at 7:51 pm

My kids are in a public school system where the science teacher soften express their disdain for evolution. It’s frightening.

I love the slow children signs – you might like my own version:
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog…I just have to say it again – I love Spring. =-.

Absence Alternatives March 10, 2010 at 8:55 am

They are hilarious too! I checked out those signs & left a comment. 😉

The thing about the science teacher? I just want to scream: WTF?!

Unknown Mami March 9, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Science is. Period.

I linked to you today.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…Blog is a Four Letter Word =-.

Absence Alternatives March 10, 2010 at 8:57 am

I agree: Our period is a very complicated scientific matter. Otherwise if they could send people to the moon, why can’t they figure out a way to stop the cramps??!!

Thank you for the link. :-) THAT post “Blog is a Four Letter Word” is Blogging Hilarious!

Fuck Yeah, Motherhood! March 9, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Science IS like a brother. A smarter, more handsome, less nonsensical brother.
.-= Fuck Yeah, Motherhood!´s last blog…I Think Saturn Is The Coolest Planet Because The Universe Put A Ring On It =-.

Absence Alternatives March 10, 2010 at 8:57 am

Hey, thank you for visiting and commenting! I love the video in your Saturn post. “Peerenting” LAMO!

Miss B March 9, 2010 at 11:55 pm

That last sign made me think of something – way back when I worked nights at a very dodgy little Quick-E Mart type of grocery store downtown (where my just-barely 20-year-old self quickly gained the reputation of being the biggest hard-ass to ever work the night shift) one of the neighborhood low-lifes was giving me a bit of trouble one night. I don’t remember what the situation was, exactly, but I know that he was irritating me and so I said a few very pointed and sarcastic things to him. He started to get very indignant and in my face, and asked me if I was being sarcastic. I just blinked at him and said “Oh, I would never be sarcastic, doll. I might be occasionally facetious, but I am _never_ sarcastic.” And there was this extended moment of silence, and then (bless him) he started apologizing to me, saying “I’m sorry, no offense. I just thought you was being sarcastic.”

It was kind of a beautiful moment.

Absence Alternatives March 10, 2010 at 8:59 am

LOL. Once I told someone that they were being facetious, they got indignant and asked why I accused them of being a fascist…

A Vapid Blonde March 10, 2010 at 6:40 pm

I totally saw the link on her weekly shit that was going on AND that woman looks just like her.

I will have a sign that says right this way SubWOW>A Vapid Blonde awaits your arrival in hell…hurry the ice cubes are melting in the cocktail I made you.

subWOW March 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm

You are the best pal any gal can have when she is hell bound. xxoo

Jessica March 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm

What about: If you’re smoking in this house, you’d better be on fire.

Unless you’re a smoker. Then?…ummm
.-= Jessica´s last blog…Courtyard Surprise =-.

subWOW March 11, 2010 at 11:26 pm

I love it! A different caption for the same picture. Clever, m’lady!

Jessica March 11, 2010 at 7:49 pm

What about: If you’re smoking in this house, you’d better be on fire.

Unless you’re a smoker. Then?…ummm

Falling March 12, 2010 at 1:07 am

Love, love, love the warning signs.

When I was in Scotland several years ago, I came across a sign that said “Caution: Elderly Crossing” and had a little pictogram of stooped stick figures with canes. Seriously. Almost as bed as the slow children.
.-= Falling´s last blog…This is Why I Don’t Get Invited to More Parties =-.

subWOW March 12, 2010 at 10:36 am

Since you all love the signs so much, I assume you’ll love this Huffington Post entry of Most Ridiculous Prohibition signs (which have nothing to do with drinking, thank goodness! Drinking is still allowed!)


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