It is Thursday (and actually soon will be Friday…) Yes, I am cheating again by backdating my post. But it IS Wednesday somewhere in the world, right? Oh. Who cares. It is a WTF post by me when I’ve got my WTF glasses on. (Yeah, this line is for you my Wicked Kitchen Lady…) So WTF ANYTIME… FTW!

We received a Christmas card from a high school friend of my husband’s. The address label on the envelop was one of those personalized family labels with the faces that are supposed to represent each member in the family.

Get your family labels here! Personalized to fit your family!

Our friends are of Asian descent, and therefore the figures on the address label all have black hair, and it does remind us of them: with the appropriate hair styles. To my surprise, my husband was interested in getting a set for us.

“Maybe for next Christmas?” He emailed me with the link.

Don’t you just love how they add things to your list with a nice question like that?

Fine. I thought. It could be cute. Naturally I was already wondering how we were going to represent our multiracial family. Perhaps I could get some message out with each letter I mail. Represent! I thought. Things could get very interesting. I thought. Little did I know that it was going to be VERY INTERESTING alright.

I browsed through the site, looked at the samples, and clicked on ORDER:

Choose your head and hair style here: Male and female heads

They do have a wide selection for heads/hair styles. At this point, my kids became curious in this project and they were getting excited, impatiently waiting for their turn to choose their own faces.

“Oh oh oh. Choose this one!”

“No. Mom looks more like this one!”

Finally we (i.e. the kids) settled on a hair style for me.

So many heads, so little time... to make my decision I mean...

By selecting the head style, we were then shown a variety (i.e. THREE) of different skin tones and many hair colors to choose from.

So many hair colors to choose from! Should I go with my natural color or my highlighted color?

“Mom, pick the Dark Brown Hair. That looks more like you.” My oldest said.

“Mom, I am not sure what you should choose for your skin color. That one is too light, and that one is too dark.” My youngest said. He is a man of 100% honesty.

I was relieved that the instruction gave me the permission to select “Fair Skin” for myself, since I consider my complexion to be “tan”. I thought I’d go with Black Hair and Tan Skin because I did not want people to mistake me for a non-Asian person. However, my hair has not been BLACK BLACK for almost a decade: I discovered highlights many years ago and baby, let me tell you: I ain’t gonna go back. Fine. She looks too happy anyway. What I need really is a scowling face. I went with the kids’ suggestions.

Here comes the WTF moment. The first WTF moment…

(The following is a “dramatized” version of the screen I saw at the initial WTF moment. I went through the ordering process just so I could grab a screenshot to show you, my friends. You are welcome)

My jaw dropped. Add-on Features. “Asian eyes” is one of the 3 add-on features offered by the company. Along with Glasses and Santa Hat.

Asian Eyes. One of the only 3 add-on features. Me so honored.

“What the…?!” I stopped myself short. The kids looked at me, then looked at each other.

“Mom. You should check ‘Asian Eyes’ because you are Asian.” Mr. Monk, my youngest, said. With all honesty.

“Shut up.” My oldest chastised his brother.

“Hmmm. Honey, do you know that they offer ‘Asian Eyes’ as an Add-On Feature?! Next to Santa Hat and Glasses?!” I hollered at husband.

“Mom. What do the, eh, Asian Eyes look like?” My oldest asked. Now fully invested in this new development as well.

So we searched high and low on the website, and we finally found it. Ta da!

WTF Moment Numéro deux

Seriously. Do those eyes even belong to a human?

“What the heck is this? Voldemort?!” I was so startled by the unreality of it I burst out laughing.

My oldest was indignant. “That is so racist!”

“What is racist?” My youngest asked. But fortunately, immediately, “Those don’t look like your eyes. You should just use the black dots.”

I laughed even harder when I saw the labels for kids: “Have your kids feel special!”

Asian eyes, what? for the straight A kids? (Yes yes, I know, yet another stereotype...)

Oh, little Jennifer is going to feel special alright… When she is shown to be some evil spirit, creepy imbecile, or wicked mastermind with no pupils.

CODA: I am not trying to read too much into this. I am sure the company does this out of good intentions. What kind of idiot would want to set out to offend paying customers, right? They are trying so hard to operate in this multi-cultural, multi-racial, complex and wonderful world that the United States of America has become. But seriously, dude? Those “Asian Eyes” are beyond creepy. They gave me nightmares. I was wondering why you stopped there? Why didn’t you include an Add-on feature for Coolie Hat? (Ok. Ok. I can’t help it!…)

Asian eyes? Take that!

{ 18 comments }

honeypiehorse January 15, 2010 at 3:30 am

OK, last picture? Ew.
.-= honeypiehorse´s last blog…Josephine =-.

Andrea January 15, 2010 at 4:50 am

Asians have zombie eyes?? Cool, I love zombies! WTF, for real.
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Big balls" =-.

A Vapid Blonde January 15, 2010 at 6:42 am

I am so laughing over the “me so honoured” caption…thank you!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog…I Love Your Blog…the Chick Edition. =-.

Absence Alternatives January 15, 2010 at 7:05 pm

No. Thank YOU for getting it. I actually wondered whether anybody would have got it. So I’m deeply moved…

Robin January 15, 2010 at 8:38 am

These are SO cheesy but I kinda want them but I know I’d be too embarrassed to ever use them.
.-= Robin´s last blog…The Happy Pants Foundation =-.

Amanda@Brilliant Sulk January 15, 2010 at 8:55 am

I am offended as well.

I do not have any eyes. Do they have an option for that? And my husband has two heads. Well, one giant head and his shriveled siamese (uh oh, is that a racist term?) twin head who died years ago.

Hoping you can find out because I need to get my Christmas cards out early this year.
.-= Amanda@Brilliant Sulk´s last blog…I’ve Been Outed =-.

Elly Lou January 15, 2010 at 9:46 am

Damn it, Amanda! I can’t follow that!

I’m honored to know you and your cartoon looking self. Too bad they don’t have “are you fucking kidding me eyebrows” for the 4th add-on.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Bollywood Booty Shakin’ =-.

TheKitchenWitch January 15, 2010 at 11:12 am

What? You are telling me that they don’t have red-dotted forehead option? Where’s the turban option? The bhurka option? Assholery!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Neighbor Friday : Google is Whack =-.

Jane January 15, 2010 at 4:22 pm

OMG! My daughter has been complaining about her lack of choices with personalizing things (from her name to her looks). I have to show this to her! She’s going to love it!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Trading Spaces With One Of My Neighbors =-.

Jane January 15, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Ok, we just cracked up at this together! Thanks for the shared mother/daughter laughter moment!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Trading Spaces With One Of My Neighbors =-.

secret agent woman January 15, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Wow, what an unfortunate rendition of “Asian eyes.” The only way they could have flubbed it more is if they’d done those old cartoonish slanted lines circa WWII. Which leads to imagine all sorts of funny stereotypes they could do if they wanted to be maximally offensive.

But oh my God, that photo at the end throughly frightened me!
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog…Out and about in my crazy shoes. =-.

Absence Alternatives January 15, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Dear All, thank you for the moral support. I love it when you get my whacked sense of humor.

I can’t believe you found the Manga eyes disturbing. Welcome to the world of Cosplay, peeps! Where people dress up as their favorite Manga characters, in addition to the liberal use of contacts, some opted for surgeries even… More disturbing is that I also discovered another trend: people who love to dress up as fur animals, called Furries…

mepsipax January 15, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Wow, that last picture… I have seen some Cosplay but that shit was creepy. Damn racist label makers. Loved the post.
.-= mepsipax´s last blog…Drumroll please…. =-.

Unknown Mami January 15, 2010 at 9:49 pm

Me love you no matter what your eyes look like on sticker.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…Fragmented Fridays =-.

mrsblogalot January 16, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Lin, that “Me so honored” crack just sent me into a major laughing fit!!!

I can’t breath now and I need my inhaler.

I’m sending you the bill for the asthma treatment and nightmare police that I will need on staff for that last picture.
.-= mrsblogalot´s last blog…No Talking on Mars =-.

LittleMissEnglishTeacher January 16, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Hilarious! Thanks for the plethora of laughs! You’ve given my son hiccups in utero over the jiggling of my belly :) Belly laughs … if you will.
.-= LittleMissEnglishTeacher´s last blog…Lazy Saturdays =-.

Jen @ NathanRising January 16, 2010 at 10:49 pm

This was great! I find those stickers kinda creepy. And isn’t it great how you can just add “Asian Eyes” like some accessory you can put on and take off like that SANTA HAT?? Yeah, totally a WTF moment indeed!
Me love you long time!!
.-= Jen @ NathanRising´s last blog…Yet Another Shower Mishap =-.

Absence Alternatives January 17, 2010 at 12:00 am

I love you guys seriously, esp. for getting the joke!

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