I love you, Lily Coyle of Minneapolis

January 17, 2010

in this i believe

By now everyone of us have heard of what Pat Robertson has to say about the earthquake that just about leveled Haiti. I cannot help it, here is the highlight of his point:

“They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.’ True story. And so, the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.'”

If you have a strong stomach and does not wince easily, here is the broadcast of his show where he made this, eh, huh, “unfortunate” statement.

First we were shocked. Disbelief. Then we quickly got over the puzzlement of “Why is Pat Robertson still relevant?” amidst this unspeakable human tragedy and the global mobilization to send aids to this country that had so little for its people and so much to suffer even before the devastations by the earthquake. But a response must be given. And how?

How do you even react to something so outlandish that your first thought was, “Is this from The Onion, again? The Onion surely has been making into a lot of high-profile news lately…”

Why, a letter from the devil himself, of course!

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,
Satan


This letter was sent in to Star Tribune in the Twin Cities by a reader named Lily Coyle. Whoever you are, wherever you are, God Bless You, Lily Coyle.

{ 25 comments }

secret agent woman January 17, 2010 at 6:39 am

That is fantastic. But I don’t think it will penetrate the hide of that twisted bastard, Robertson.
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog…Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. =-.

honeypiehorse January 17, 2010 at 7:00 am

That is awesome.
.-= honeypiehorse´s last blog…On Breaking Eggs =-.

Diane January 17, 2010 at 7:13 am

Who watches him still? Must be someone or he wouldn’t still be on the air. Where are these people now? Why have they no comment on his latest bungle?

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 6:06 am

I suspect that like-minded people watch his show. So he’s “safe” if he stays inside that cocoon. The woman was nodding her head so hard when Paterson was talking about Haiti, ’cause that’s his own damn TV channel!

TheKitchenWitch January 17, 2010 at 9:35 am

Lily Coyle, I love you too.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Shrink-My-Ass-Month: Spaghetti Frittata =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 6:06 am

:-)

And me, you.

Velva January 17, 2010 at 9:35 am

The devil prepared a very clever response. Again, it is statements like Robertson’s that give religion a bad name. This kind of thing always leaves me gasping for air.
.-= Velva´s last blog…Southeast Asian Beef and Rice-Noodle Soup =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 6:07 am

Indeed. Some days are harder to breathe than the others…

Jane January 17, 2010 at 10:41 am

” there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox” — sounds more like LA or NYC
.-= Jane´s last blog…But Pee Is Sterile. Right? =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 6:08 am

Botox definitely reminds me of Hollywood. But all these “Real Housewives” shows make me suspect that it could be anywhere…

Elly Lou January 17, 2010 at 10:57 am

You gave me the chills! Hearts. My eyes have been replaced with big cartoon hearts for Lily.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…This Week’s Tweets =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Agreed. I had the crazy wolf popped-out eyes too. :-)

Jennifer Lynn January 17, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Great letter, Great Lily (one of my favorite names:)!!
.-= Jennifer Lynn´s last blog…My bedroom has become a war zone. =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Lily Coyle has a nice ring to it. :-) I wonder how she feels about her sudden fame…

Andrea January 17, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Rock on, sister. Do people think at all before they say shit like that outloud?

Hey, just tagged you over at my blog. Care to play?
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Crazy train" =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Thanks. Will hop over and play when off work. Am out of town right now.

Chris January 18, 2010 at 9:29 am

Living here in the deep South, I know several people who think Pat Robertson is completely sane. They also watch Fox News 24/7 and display McCain/Palin bumperstickers on their pickups and SUVs with the McCain name torn off. As rediculous as his comments might sound to the civilized world, please believe when I tell you Pat makes perfect sense to many people who vote, people who display yard signs lumping together Obama, flu vaccine and the coming of the Anti-Christ. And sadly, Pat Robertson has a MUCH bigger audience than the Star-Tribune’s Letters To The Editor.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Chris, thanks for visiting and commenting. You made a great point. Sometimes I feel I am sheltered in the fact that I have never been to the South, South, and probably never will. I understand that her letter is not going to do any material good, but it is extremely cathartic when I read it because I was made speechless by Pat Robertson’s statement, and you could probably tell how much I enjoy a good come back. This is just my very small contribution in the loud cacophony. I love you Lily Coyle. And I’ll say it again and again. No matter how few people hear it.

p.s. You can probably tell also that I am a bit Narcissistic. LOL. 😉

Miss B January 18, 2010 at 9:33 pm

The funny thing about this is, that morning I was on the phone with a coworker, ranting about my problems with how we are framing the Haiti aid situation (Short version? If any of us had ever given a shit about Haiti before, the situation might possibly be not quite as dire at the moment. Obama needed to add the word “again” or “anymore” when he passionately said to the citizens of Haiti that the United States “will not forsake you”. *ahem* Short rant over.) and I said something along the lines of “Most of the people online who are talking big about giving money to the Red Cross and what-have-you at the moment probably couldn’t even point to Haiti on a map. Hell, they’re probably saying to themselves — Well, don’t they practice voodoo or something over there — they practically brought this upon themselves!” Not an hour later the Pat Robertson nonsense was all over the internets. Sometimes it’s a real drag to be able to so accurately predict human stupidity. *sigh*
.-= Miss B´s last blog…4 1/2 Inches =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 8:09 pm

I’m with you. I admit: I didn’t give Haiti any special thought before. Remember the TV special on the MUD PIES that many people over there eat as the only food every single meal? That’s dirt. And that WAS before the earthquake. And there was outcry then. But of course, soon, they like everybody else was forgotten. If you look at the map, there is NO reason why Haiti should suffer 80% of poverty rate, especially compared to its neighbors.

Jen @ NathanRising January 18, 2010 at 10:04 pm

OMG he really stuck his foot in his mouth, didn’t he?

And the letter is great!
.-= Jen @ NathanRising´s last blog…Yet Another Shower Mishap =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Yup. But to Chris’ point, his foot is in his mouth the way WE look at it. He was telling the truth that nobody dared to tell to his followers… *shudder*

alejna January 19, 2010 at 7:49 pm

That is a fantastic letter! Thanks for sharing it.

You know, I was just saying that I’m actually a little glad that Pat Robertson said the dumb shit that he said. Because he makes it easy for me to get mad. And anger is sometimes a more manageable emotion than the helplessness and grief I feel about this catastrophe.
.-= alejna´s last blog…tube =-.

Absence Alternatives January 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm

“And anger is sometimes a more manageable emotion than the helplessness and grief I feel about this catastrophe.” Right on, sister!

I keep on going back to “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” by Vonnegut, I don’t know why…

Amanda@Brilliant Sulk January 21, 2010 at 12:04 am

Oh my.

My heart belongs to Satan.

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