“Do you realize the people back here are getting cookies?!”

January 7, 2010

in through the looking glass

Jerry: “I can’t go back to coach!”

This is from the 52nd episode of Seinfeld “The Airport”. The Hyperlink takes you to an 8-minute long collection of the best scenes from this episode. Watch from 7:20 for one of my favorite lines from my beloved TV series:

“Do you realize the people back here are getting cookies?!”

I don’t know why. I just loved it even back in 1992 when I had no idea that I would be flying frequently. In coach, nonetheless…

This post could have been titled “WTF Wednesday: How the Other Half Lives”. But seeing how it is already Thursday and I have been cheating via backdating a lot lately, I will just skip a WTF Wednesday post. This should help with my image anyway: soon I fear I will only be posting WTF posts and nothing else. Since my life seems to be full of WTF moments. Or it could just be me: I am wearing WTF Goggles as I go through life…

It suffices to say that Karma delivered. After my not-so-satisfactory-yet-definitely-great-blog-fodder-and-therefore-I-should-be-grateful-all-considered flights to Taipei, I was upgraded to Business Class for the leg between Taipei and Tokyo.

Prior to this, I had ONLY heard of the Lie-Flat Business Class outfitted for the Trans-Pacific flights. (From my beloved husband nonetheless, who will certainly get it from now on if he ever complains about his air travel…) Oh boy, was I excited. When I got to the plane, I was really nervous: I would have been greatly disappointed if for some reason this plane had only the regular Business Class seats. (Yes, one does get spoiled very quickly…) Wait. How come I could not find my row? It went straight from Row 10 to Row 19. Is it a cruel joke? The flight attendant pointed UP and said, “Your seat is on the Upper Level.”

WTF? Upper Level? There is an Upper Level? I mean: I knew there is an Upper Level on a 747 but I thought that was for the super duper Secret Society First Class seats: where they have a hot tub and possibly a stripper pole or something.

As I ascended the stairs, I could hear the angels singing, celestial music playing in the background. “Ahhhhh—–” Much to the chagrin of my seatmate, I started taking pictures as soon as I finished putting everything away. Oh my. So many choices in WHERE to store my shit that it took me a while to figure it out… (He soon exchanged seats with his wife…) I did not know that I would ever, ever, wish for a flight to last longer. Alas. It was not meant to be. The plane actually landed early. I only got to enjoy my Lazy Boy home theatre for a bit longer than two hours. So why couldn’t this flight have been diverted to Alaska? I would have been HAPPY… Very happy.

CODA: Soon afterwards, Karma delivered again. This time to balance everything out my flight from Tokyo back to Washington D.C. was delayed for TWO hours. And of course this time I was back to my coach class for the 12-hour flight. The reason for our delay? AFTER the Christmas Underpants Bomber threat, AFTER the airports around the world heightened security checks by adding a second checkpoint right at the gates for US-bound flights, AFTER we had all been searched and padded down by hand, thoroughly, some Einstein decided that it was a smart move to make a joke about a bomb with the flight attendant. She reported his dumb ass and he was hauled off the plane. Subsequently the cargo area had to be searched to rule out any suspicious material in addition to locate this guy’s checked luggage. Police and security guards were also on board to search the plane before we were allowed to take off.


Ambrosia January 7, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Just curious, what color are WTF glasses?

I thought the whole “first class” thing was a joke. Ah, but your pictures have enlightened my ignorance. Of course, it will be a long time (if ever) before I fly first class. Unless the airline mixes things up…one can always wish, right?
.-= Ambrosia´s last blog…Teen Pregnancy, Is Education Helping? =-.

Kenzie January 7, 2010 at 3:06 pm

OMGOSH. I don’t think I have watched Seinfeild in years! This was a great laugh, and a great post.
.-= Kenzie´s last blog…the girl behind the words. =-.

Andrea January 7, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Are you serious?? That was a pretty swanky upper deck (not that I have anything to compare it with)!

I love WTF glasses, by the way!
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Teenagers" =-.

magda January 7, 2010 at 6:24 pm

I am almost certain I have memorized every episode of Seinfeld. I loooooove this one. So glad you were able to enjoy such finery. It is only fitting, you know. It is a little stressful/insane that some people fly exclusively in quarters as nice as these this while others are, well, just a lot less fortunate.
What is CODA? It kept appearing it my last book, which is almost as fun as your blog. So itmust be a very hip acronym.
Also, What is the NaBloWhoMo? I keep seeing it. You even mentioned it on your warning sign, which I re-read for the umteenth time. Because I do in deed fit all criterion of a Fucktard. Fucktard may even be a step up.
.-= magda´s last blog…Two In A Row in 2*0*1*0? =-.

Absence Alternatives January 11, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Magda, let’s have a Seinfeld marathon! My Americanization was largely through watching Seinfeld. When I understood every single pop culture reference, I was pretty sure that I would be ok in this country. 😉 (This should be another post..) I use the word Coda because I am an insufferable pretentious person… and also because I am too lazy to write a nicely concluded story. Adding a coda at the end just seems to be easier…

NaBloPoMo: National Blog Posting Month. It used to be every November, but now they are trying to get people to do this every month. I call it NaBloMoFo sometimes just because I hated it when I was doing it last November. And of course, my husb tried to convince me that there is a NaBloJoMo… 😉

p.s. You are the loveliest fucktard there is. Now that you have hijacked the term Fucktard to mean Hilarious Lovable Lady I need to find a different term to call the Fox cable people. Any suggestions?

Jane January 7, 2010 at 8:27 pm

OMG you are too funny! I almost peed my pants at the end” “Hey, I am lying down flat on a plane!” and not in the aisle!” Thanks for the tour – ’cause this is about as close as I’m going to get to First Class!
.-= Jane´s last blog…You Met Your Husband Where? Online, Of Course =-.

Shelli January 7, 2010 at 11:09 pm

Wow, I’m jealous! I’ve never flown in anything even remotely resembling this kind of luxury! Why were you upgraded? I want to know what to do to get myself upgraded next time I fly! LOL The last time I flew out of the country, from NY to Heathrow (England), there were 7 seats across – 2 by the window, and a row of 3 in the middle of the plane, with 2 aisles. I was the most unlucky person, in that I was in the middle of the 3 middle seats. There was NO way I could even look out a window without an Inspector Gadget type neck. Flying home from Rome … same damn situation! Ugh!

Hubby and I had great legroom on one flight to FL, but we were sitting in a funky area right in front of one of the emergency doors in the middle of the plane. Actually, we had to share the extra legroom, but it was great while it lasted! :-)

Loved your pics! So jealous! What movies did you test out?
.-= Shelli´s last blog…First they came … =-.

honeypiehorse January 8, 2010 at 1:52 am

I love business class. Doesn’t happen so much any more, though.
.-= honeypiehorse´s last blog…Mazel Tov! (Hope that means thanks…) =-.

Falling January 8, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Wow. And I thought getting bumped to Economy Plus on our way back from Chicago was good. But those pictures…I mean, wow. One question: where is the stripper pole?

Also, re: the dumbass–In O’Hare, they have monitors showing the security procedures and flashing reminders to people in line. As of a few years ago, they actually added a line about not making jokes about bombs, weapons, etc. Which, of course, caused me to helplessly start thinking about making said jokes.
.-= Falling´s last blog…2010: Where’s My Damn Flying Car? =-.

TheKitchenWitch January 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Giggling at WTF glasses…
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Shrink-My-Ass-Month: Tortellini-Spinach Soup =-.

Elly Lou January 8, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Sigh. The only time I managed to lay flat on a plane was face down. You make international travel look bearable with that set up. It’s enough to make me think about cheating on Virgin…
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Snippets =-.

Texasholly January 8, 2010 at 10:38 pm

That is so amazing. WAS there a stripper pole?

mrsblogalot January 9, 2010 at 7:01 am

Man, I loved Seinfeld! They were all like home for me. Especially George’s parents-they still crack me up!!!!!
.-= mrsblogalot´s last blog…The Short Drive to Crazy =-.

Amanda@Brilliant Sulk January 9, 2010 at 11:24 am

You forgot to take photos of the toilet. I wanted to see the toilet! Was it nice? Did it greet you by name?

I was once upgraded to business class on a flight from London to S.F. Ahhhhh. Free champagne all around! Unfortunately I got a bit TOO tipsy. Don’t remember a thing…
.-= Amanda@Brilliant Sulk´s last blog…It’s Question and Answer Time Again =-.

Elly Lou January 9, 2010 at 11:54 am

I have something for you. While it is Magda related, it is NOT multiple orgasms. Sorry.

.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Fingernail Sweat =-.

Absence Alternatives January 11, 2010 at 11:22 pm

NOT multiple orgasms? DAMN! You know, they can send a man to the moon, they cannot send a woman to see the stars?! Seriously. 😉

secret agent woman January 9, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I got bumped up to First on a flight from Washington DC to London. Ahhhhh.
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog…How good could life even be without cheese and chocolate? =-.

Life with Kaishon January 9, 2010 at 12:49 pm

What a great line! Saw a blogger said you were their favorite at Aunt Becky’s blog this morning so I came to visit : )
.-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog…3,650 days. 3,650 magical days. =-.

pixielation January 10, 2010 at 5:54 am

wow, 2 very short hours! Who has ever wished a flight would last longer!

We were once upgraded to business class when coming home from Sydney to London while travelling with a 14 month old. It wasn’t lie down seats, but the arm rest between his seat and mine was worth it. It was the perfect size for a baby to sit on, rather than being on our laps the entire flight. I am still waiting for karma to catch up with us for that one, although it could be that it was merely balancing out how gruesomely AWFUL the flight over had been!

But last christmas I again flew from London to Sydney with my two girls in cattle class. It was painful to say the least, but that was just the seat. The entertainment is actually excellent, plus the seats have usb connectors for iphones and ipods. (And other non “i” things that take usb I guess.)

Plus, if you’re in the back section of the plane, just walk to the very back and you’ll find help yourself flapjacks, cookies, fruit and coke. So I did. A lot.
.-= pixielation´s last blog…Teddy Bears – like currency, only furrier =-.

Absence Alternatives January 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm

My lovely ladies, sorry for lagging behind. I also had a DOH/DUH moment just now: If I respond to each comment separately, that means, if you subscribe to comments via email, you will get a dozen emails from me. So even though I am tempted to pad my comment volume the way I add tissues to my bras, I will spare you and consolidate my responses/gratitude into one comment. It is going to be long. But I think I am allowed to be a Comment Hog on my own blog. He he.

Ambrosia: That was in Business Class. I know. I am still wondering what the First Class is like on a transpacific flight. Flying in first class back home (all the way and not just 2 hours!) is one of my life goals. Perhaps I should start buying lottery…

Kenzie, first of all, LOVE your name! (Go thank your parents. LOL) Thanks for visiting I’m honored you aspiring writer you.

Andrea, since you teach at a high school, I have a feeling that you encounter WTF moments on a daily basis. LOL. 😉

Jane, thank you for loving the picture of me lying down. That was a stroke of genius on my part and I humiliated myself for you all. Glad you appreciate it. 😉

Shelli, sorry you got the sucky seats! Just say to yourself: at least I am not stuck with crying babies. At least I am not stuck with crying babies… LOL. I tried Zombieland, Paper Heart, Slumdog. The woman next seat was probably mad at Zombieland since she could see my screen and that movie was graphic! LOL

Laura, yup. It’s great when it happens. That’s why I wrote a post to commemorate the occasion. Ha!

Absence Alternatives January 11, 2010 at 11:33 pm

I’m back! I can’t believe my kids demanded my attention. Sheesh. (Please god please let you all know I am kidding!) Where was I…

Mrs. Darcy (I am just going to call you Mrs. Darcy from now on because of the free association in my head whenever I see “Falling”…): Don’t forget: tis only Biz class. First class probably does have a stripper pole! Or a hot tub filled with champagne.

TKW: 😉

Elly Lou: US airlines’ premium class products allegedly are not as good as those offered by non-US airlines. I heard a lot of good things about Virgin. So don’t give up on them without checking it out!

Holly, thanks for visiting. Your blog is MAD HOT! I love all the annotations you add to all the pictures and drawings. No stripper pole probably ’cause it’s only Business Class. yes, I said “Only”… 😉 Have been trying to figure out what First Class is like. Probably stripper pole.

Mrs. B: what do you mean by “LOVED”? I need to cure you of the past tense with a Seinfeld Marathon session! Please do hold me when George is on. I can’t stand that little man…

Amanda, UGH. I forgot to ask for champagne! The restroom is the same as the one I showed in my earlier post. So what does that tell us? 😉

Secret Agent Woman: I want to try International First Class!

Kaishon’s mom: Thank you for stopping by. And thank you for letting me know about the shoutout that happened on Aunt Becky’s awesome blog. I guess now I need to pay the person as promised… 😉

Alison, yeah, I cannot really complain when compared to your flight all the way to Sydney. Yikes. Anybody that wants to know about flying long distance with kids should read the post of yours. Was it Qantas? That sounded so much better than what I have experienced. United flights to Asia do NOT have any seatback entertainment in the main cabin. Nothing. I was SO happy when my oldest was old enough to play on a Game Boy. Yeah, fried his brains. But he was a-ok the entire flight. LOL.

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