I think my kids are scarred by this Christmas song…

December 17, 2009

in no manual for parenting

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus*

Yeah. You know the lyrics. And seriously? This song is wrong on so many different levels…

The innocent explanation of course is that DADDY is dressed up as Santa Claus. So mommy is actually kissing daddy, only that the poor kid has no idea and is probably going to grow up with this terrible secret weighing him down and become… well, you guessed it: either a great writer or a serial killer…

As a matter of fact, my tongue was tied since my youngest is determined to still believe in Santa. That leaves me no choice but to listen, while pressing my lips hard so I wouldn’t burst out laughing, to their reactions to the lyrics…

“Is his mommy single?”

“Why is she seeing Santa Claus?”

“Is she dating Santa? He is so much older than she is. Yew…”

“Is she cheating on his daddy? Yew…”

Yew… aside, they found the video hilarious and fascinating. My youngest asked me to play this version several times this weekend. Right before bed on Sunday night, I heard both boys humming, actually trying to sing, the first few bars of the song. On Monday, when we were in the car listening to the “All Christmas Music All the Time” Channel (which is, indeed, the epitome of “Season Treason” perpetrator since they start playing Christmas music right after Halloween every year), the kids complained about the songs being played and decided to substitute with their own rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”, which went like this,

“I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night. La la la la la (off key off key off key)…”

Then my husband chimed in, “I saw daddy kissing Santa… OOOOOPS!” Ugh. Boys.

Is it the bizarre contrast between Santa Claus, one of the most benign, trustworthy, persona and something naughty even though they are too young (and for one of them, too immature) to put their fingers on it that makes this song so fascinating?

“When you are married, you are supposed to stick together.” Back on Sunday evening, my youngest ruminated on the only lesson one could possibly get out of this.

Then finally, he declared,

“I am going to go tell daddy!”

You do that, buddy.

Later my husband told me that my youngest offered this explanation without any prompting:

Mommy is on a break from daddy, and Santa Claus is on a break from Mrs. Claus.

Can I get an Oy Vey here? Oy vey indeedy.

* This URL links to the Jackson 5 version. Remember the times? When M.J. was a normal kid? In hind sight, if I had shown the kids this version, instead of the weird animated version with the slutty-looking mom and the perv-look-alike Santa, it would probably not have caused such an alarming, albeit hilarious, brouhaha…


Unknown Mami December 17, 2009 at 9:46 pm

As long as they’re on a break.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…Happy Holidays! =-.

Absence Alternatives December 18, 2009 at 11:59 pm

Tru dat!

Andrea December 18, 2009 at 5:20 am

A break? I love it! This mommy needs to find a little hot Santa ass too. Maybe I need a break? 😉
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Lips like sugar" =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:00 am

It will cost ya. But you sure you wanna a break from Sugar Lip Sugar Bun of yours? 😉 Come on. :-)

Diane December 18, 2009 at 6:11 am

You can’t stop and think too hard about the song lyrics or Santa Claus in general. Bearded fat guy breaks into houses in the middle of the night and leaves things . . . Now go to sleep, kids, and don’t worry; Mommy and Daddy will keep you safe tonight!

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:00 am

Diane, you need to watch the vid that Elly Lou linked to. On 2nd thought, you probably don’t want to…

Velva December 18, 2009 at 9:00 am

I am still smiling and I am still laughing….Aren’t kids fabulous?
.-= Velva´s last blog…Mom’s Orange-Cranberry Relish =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:00 am

You can have them.


Velva December 19, 2009 at 8:25 pm

No, thanks I have my own (laugh). I have already been through puberty and the teenage years with one son. I now have another who is just entering puberty. God help me! I could probably make you cry with laughter with some of the teenage stories I could tell you.
.-= Velva´s last blog…Mom’s Orange-Cranberry Relish =-.

Absence Alternatives December 20, 2009 at 9:49 am

LOL. Do tell! :-)

magda December 18, 2009 at 9:04 am

FT checking in to say…I have never heard that song. I don’t know why( in my Ramadan Hanukkah and paganism and Santeria “home”) I was unable to hear it over the screeching of Beverly Sills. Uh. Oh. Slippery Slope. Reelin it back in. Back to the post. It might be best if Santa and the Mrs. should abstain form all physical contact. It maybe should be illegal to even jokingly reference the couple engaging in “stuff”
.-= magda´s last blog…A Real Timesaver =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:03 am

“Santeria”? Yet another great word creation. LOL. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of this song. Sorry for ruining it for you for life I guess… 😉

TheKitchenWitch December 18, 2009 at 9:28 am

But I’m loving the hilarious brouhaha, so I’m glad you did what you did!

And your husband, with his, “I saw Daddy kissing Santa..OOPs!” made me laugh. Sounds like something my hubs would do.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Silver Linings =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:05 am

I suspect my husband’s been waiting for a long time to pull that punch line.

p.s. I think I can now confirm (for myself) that “hubs” is spelled intentionally that way. Very interesting. I may adopt.

Robin December 18, 2009 at 11:25 am

I was actually caught kissing the Leprechaun once, didn’t go over well.
.-= Robin´s last blog…I’ve Got Kugel Spirit =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:06 am

Caught by whom? The Leprechaun queen? Did you get the gold?

Elly Lou December 18, 2009 at 1:14 pm

You could always change the conversation with this holiday doozie (http://pithycomments.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/merry-christmas-now-go-wait-up-for-santa/#comments). My life will never be the same.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Twas the Night Before Christmas =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:07 am

M’lady, that video is… I don’t know how to describe it. But thanks for the link. Wow.

Jane December 18, 2009 at 3:11 pm

I never thought about this song in that way but now that you mention it…..ewwww!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Pay It Forward, Random Act of Kindness – Whatever You Call It, Let’s Do IT! =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:08 am

Sorry! 😉 Fortunately there are other 10,000 Xmas songs left. LOL.

Ambrosia December 18, 2009 at 3:56 pm

I think I am scarred by this song. Glad to know I am not alone. : )
.-= Ambrosia´s last blog…Dear Manly, =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:09 am

Well, very nice to know we were not alone either!

mrsblogalot December 18, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Ha!!!!! A break? Love that! Those Claus’s are some swingin’ holiday folks!

Oh and since you asked….oy vey!
.-= mrsblogalot´s last blog…Bangkah Zoomas! =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:09 am

Thank you, Mrs. B, for the very nice, “authentic”, Jewish, Oy ve. 😉

Jennifer Lynn December 18, 2009 at 8:26 pm

Ewwwwww….all that facial hair MUST have old old cookie crumbs in it.
.-= Jennifer Lynn´s last blog…How do you handle fear? =-.

Absence Alternatives December 19, 2009 at 12:12 am

Ewwww. Indeed. And I just realized that I spelled Ewww with YEW. Like the tree. DOH!

Seriously, is there a place to look up on how to spell these sound words? Like, ugh (?), humpph (?). And why is ouch ouch? Do you really say Ouch when you hit your toe?

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