Hello, December!

December 1, 2009

in a picture is worth a thousand words

"Ma! There is nothing inside!"

"Ma! There is nothing inside!"



If not for the end of NaBloPoMo, I would not have been so eager to see December, in all honesty.

Who's your daddy?!

Who's your daddy?!



Sorry, December. It’s not you. On second thought, actually, it is you.

I am just remembering the things I need to accomplish before we get on the plane to DC for Christmas on December 20. I am too scared to start making the list. Christmas shopping is the least of my worry right now. (Hello! Walgreens and CVS!) Real Fear #1 is that I may need to send out a Christmas card, NOT with the adorable picture of my kids smiling after I yell “DAMN IT! SMILE NOW OR I WILL DO IT FOR YOU!” which sadly is an annual occurrence, BUT of a picture of James Garfield since it is extremely tempting AND it just seems so much easier than trying to capture the smiles of my kids in the midst of whining, grabassing and soon sobbing.

(Do we have an English teacher in the house? I am sure the above sentence is a prime example for teaching your students how to fix grammatic errors. You can use it for free. You are welcome).

Real Fear #2, or perhaps it is simply Annoyance #1: Advent Calendar. HOW TO FILL THAT SUCKER EVERY SINGLE DAY MORNING? Oh, and REMEMBER TO FILL IT EVERY MORNING. That would help.

I forget, the way I forget that “tooth fairy brings a coin the night you lost your tooth”, saved only by crawling under the bed and yelling, “Oh, honey, look! It is here all along. It just fell!”

An advice to you out there without an Advent Calendar but are considering it: Do NOT do it. But if you must, make sure you get the Advent Calendar with BIG spaces for the stuff. Ours has itzy bitzy spaces that are meant for the Lilliputians. I kid you not. It is a great source of stress for me every year, trying to figure out WHAT in the hell I can shove into that tiny hole, for TWO kids.

I decided on Quarters last year. I was so proud of myself: Who does not like cash?

Well, my kids don’t.

You think I can get pieces of coals that can fit in that box?

{ 33 comments }

marymac December 1, 2009 at 10:52 am

CONGRATULATIONS! On finishing NaBloPoMo! I was proud of myself to bang those 30 suckers out too! Hollah!!
Also thanks for coming by and leaving a sweet comment today. Appreciated!
Happy December (gulp- what did the kids want from Santa again?!)

xoxoxo
cheers!
.-= marymac´s last blog…Doing Disney =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Many thanks! Glad you had fun at Disney!

Randa December 1, 2009 at 11:47 am

I’m a NaBloPoMo loser…
Congrats though to you for getting it done!! Yay!!
.-= Randa´s last blog…Stolen Meme… =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 9:35 pm

Thanks! That NaBloPoMo Loser badge on your blog is FUNNY!

TheKitchenWitch December 1, 2009 at 11:54 am

Hooray for December! You did it!

And thanks, I just realized that I’m a shitty mom because I’ve never gotten my kids an Advent calendar…
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Spreading the Love Tuesday! =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 9:36 pm

You are welcome. 😉 Right back at ya for making me realize what an idiot I am for not knowing how to pinch dumplings…

Jane December 1, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Shhhhh! Don’t tell my kids that there’s supposed to be anything but cute little pictures behind those doors. I never introduced the ‘candy a day’ thing – and as long as none of you out there blows it for me my strategy just might work!

Congrats on NaBloPoMo! I sure have enjoyed it!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Tunes for Tuesday – Old =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 9:58 pm

LOL! And thanks for the moral support!

Jennifer Lynn December 1, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Your calendar is SO cute……we always bought the cheapo-cardboard ones that you pop the little perforated window out of and get to enjoy a crappy little piece of chocolate!…..but at least you did not have to fill them yourself:)
.-= Jennifer Lynn´s last blog…Leave or Stay =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:00 pm

This is the whole “I bought the razor so now I am stuck with the razor blades” thing. I would have preferred the candy thing and actually, the Lego one. My kids would have been happier probably.

mepsipax December 1, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Following crazy religious Simon Says sessions are not going to happen with me on the best of times. Advent Calendar? What the shit I already have a Calendar and it works just fine.
.-= mepsipax´s last blog…What the faeries? =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:02 pm

OMG! Are you like my first male reader? (My husband does not count: he reads my blog sometimes just to spy on me…) Can I make you my token male imaginary friend? :-) By the way, I hear you: it is liberating once you just come right out and admit that you are a dick. I have said over and over again: Imma a biatch. And that feels good. 😉

Elly Lou December 1, 2009 at 3:22 pm

I bet little airplane sized bottles of liquor would fit…
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Roots =-.

Elly Lou December 1, 2009 at 3:23 pm

…guess which one of these gals in the comment section hasn’t reproduced.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Roots =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:06 pm

LOL. I did try. No kidding. We have a lot of those bottles and I thought it would be funny, but they don’t fit. Bummer, right?

Andrea December 1, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I forgot to get Advent calendars this year! Argh, I am a failure! Seriously, our toy store has a lego Advent calendar and I was planning on getting each child one. Well . . . there’s always next year? But you could use legos for your boys, if they like them. My sister puts candy in hers.

Congrats on NaBloPoMo! I tried NaNoWriMo once and FAILED. Is this a common theme in my life?? 😉
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"When you are old and gray" =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Thanks for the congrats! NaBloPoMo is way way way below the level of NaNoWriMo (did you know I had to ctrl + C, Ctrl + V that term?!) NaNoWriMo is writing writing. NaBloMoFo, to me at least, is typing out what goes through my head: which is not a big deal since I do talk to myself inside my head all the time.

mrsblogalot December 1, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Congratulations!!!!! I could have never done it!

Is it really December already???? My fears are piling up!
.-= mrsblogalot´s last blog…The Douche Movement =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:15 pm

Thank you thank you m’lady. You totally could have though. You mean you don’t have enough material to “douche” every day?!

Velva December 1, 2009 at 9:00 pm

You rock! You did it!!!! I would be happy too, that December 1st arrived.
As for the Advent calendar? You rock too.
I do despise the stress of gift giving. Unless, it is a kitchen gadget or food item…I stink at selecting gifts for folks (ugh).
It’s cold in D.C. in December!
.-= Velva´s last blog…Colombian Style Roasted Chicken Legs =-.

Absence Alternatives December 1, 2009 at 10:18 pm

Thank you m’lady. Thank you very much for your continuous support. *heart* I have the best kitchen gadget that I want to make sure everybody has. Really. I told you about me and William Sonoma catalogue right? It’s like a eunuch reading Victoria Secret… But I can’t help it! Anyway, here it is:

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/sku4191540/?pkey=x|4|1||4|whisk||0&cm_src=SCH

I never burn my sauce again ever since I got it. Best whisk. Hands down. Ever. I am in love. Actually, I should blog about it…

Robin December 2, 2009 at 11:28 am

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Absence Alternatives December 2, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Consider yourself lucky then, m’lady. 😉

Allison December 2, 2009 at 3:17 pm

…”like a eunuch reading Victoria’s Secret”? Good thing I’m not drinking Coke or my nose would be burning. All we have is a boring open-the-flap-and-get-squat calendar and we STILL forget to open it. My kids would be all over both crappy chocolate and quarters. I wish I’d thought of that under the bed thing for when I forget the tooth fairy. We once had to write a lame letter of apology from the tooth fairy for being three (three!) days late. Just put us in the ‘parents that totally blow’ file.

Absence Alternatives December 2, 2009 at 10:11 pm

Hmm. That would be how serial killers are made: parents forgetting to pretend to be tooth fairies… and also Advent Calendars: Mother forgetting to put treats in. (worse than having NO Advent Calendar)
Thanks for visiting my blog!!! And I am glad that your nose is safe. Since we need your nose to be intact so you can continue to put it in between a book when you read. 😉 (eh, I am trying to be funny there. Biblio = book worm = reading books = nose in between covers. Get it? Good. I don’t either.)

A Vapid Blonde December 2, 2009 at 8:13 pm

I never had an Advent Calendar and look at how I turned out. You better keep it up and make the prizes good.

Also, liquor nips…a brilliant idea.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog…A Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Be A Strip Bar =-.

Absence Alternatives December 2, 2009 at 10:12 pm

Thank you m’lady as if I am not obsessed with making sure my kids don’t turn into serial killers!!!! Good thing we still have milk and bread at home…
I bet those people that named those strip clubs didn’t have an Advent Calendar when they grew up either!

Amanda December 3, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Congratulations on finishing the BlowNoHoSoDoFroSlo! I could have NEVER done it. My brain is far too empty to come up with witty things to write every single day…

As for the advent calender. I’m a cheapo. I head to Trader Joe’s and buy the crappy ones they sell. It works for my kids. And I’ll be shopping at Walgreen’s this year for Xmas. What 2 year old wouldn’t love menthol mouthwash and a box of paper clips?
.-= Amanda´s last blog…And The Winner Is… =-.

Jen @ NathanRising December 3, 2009 at 11:05 pm

Woo hoo!! You did AWESOME for NaBloPoMo!! I’m kinda sad to see November come to an end for a purely selfish reason; I liked reading your posts every day! 😀

Your Christmas card idea is awesome, by the way!! Oh, the story of that James Garfield and his missing patches of hair. That would be soooooo funny if you ever sent something like that out!
-Jen
.-= Jen @ NathanRising´s last blog…Mind Readers and Tinfoil Hats =-.

Jessica December 6, 2009 at 6:42 am

I miss Advent Calendars…I always used to get that cardboard kind with tiny chocolate inside each window…except for the last one. The last one was aways a huge Santa…which always seemed a little weird since the rest of them were like sheep and stars and probably a haybale…

Absence Alternatives December 7, 2009 at 12:51 am

My kids’ Catholic church frowns on Santa, and Rudolph. Too much spot light on them and not on Jesus, I presume, and to some extent, I understand their position. You should go get yourself one. Not a Catholic church, silly. I meant an Advent Calendar! And make Tim leave a diamond every day. Won’t that be something?! 😉

Goldfish December 6, 2009 at 10:03 pm

It’s, what? December 7 now? Not a single day has been done on our Advent calendar. I suck at motherhood.
.-= Goldfish´s last blog…Three little birds =-.

Absence Alternatives December 7, 2009 at 12:54 am

Thank you for stopping by! My youngest one would come downstairs and pout, “Ma, there is nothing in the Advent Calendar” with that kind of tone that totally says, “and now I am going to grow up and become a serial killer or the greatest writer in the world.” I am going on biz trip tomorrow (actually 6:30 am flt this morning – argh. sucks ass…) so I pre-filled the calendar. I am sure he will find that to be “distasteful” as well.

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