Unknown Mami over at well, Unknown Mami, struck gold with this great idea of creating yet another Internet Meme:

I comment therefore I am.

Unknown Mami

The idea is: we express ourselves, in addition to through our own blogs, also by leaving traces of ourselves with our comments all over the interweb.  Unknown Mami decided that all of our comments are worthy enough to be turned into real posts. Because she herself is a prolific commentator, she is turning this into a weekly feature on her blog, otherwise the post would get too long… she said.

An idea that cuts down the actual writing? Esp. in the blasted month of NaBloPoMo? I am 100% down with it. I will at least try it this once. Take that NaBloPoMo! Another DAY bites the dust! Besides, I always do believe that comments are often the funniest, sometimes the scariest (i.e. on the political blogs), yet always the most revealing part of a website/blog.

I thought some of you may want to play too!  So gather up all of your stellar comments: all your humorous, ironic, sarcastic, poignant, illuminating, sincere, pontificating comments, and turn them into a post.

The following are selected evidence of my insomnia, my restlessness, when I roam the earth in search of my next victim…  Again, warning: discussions of Race and Stereotypes abound…

In response to #11 Asian Girls on the list that Stuff White People Like

Disclaimer/Explanation: The way I see it, this site, Stuff White People Like, employees a tongue-in-cheek, straight-faced, sardonic, wry humor that I recognize in myself. When I saw #11 Asian Girls, I thought it was hilariously awesome. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, we have no right to laugh at the others. That’s how I view this world. Of course, of all the “items” listed on this HUMOR site, #11 has proven to be the most controversial and incited the most comments, and heated debates. Please be warned, and I am being serious, many most of the 17,295 (as of today) comments are lewd (even by my standard) and malicious. And in case you wonder, yes, I did read through many pages of the previous comments, before I left mine on Page 454. I considered it to be Cultural Study. Or as Sun Tzu said, “Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without a single failure.” (I have to google this shit up too. So no, just because I am Chinese doesn’t mean I have studied the Art of War…)

p.s. Something funny: I actually “tracked down” the genius who wrote #11 Asian Girls, and he wrote, “Yes, I am the non-white guy that is part of StuffWhitePeopleLike. Please stop sending my hate mail…”

Without further delay, here is one of the finest comments I have written. A masterpiece in the art of sarcasm.

#11 Asian Girls

submom on June 10, 2009 at 9:58 am

Dear Sir, I would like to thank you for putting us #11 out of the many things that white people like. I feel truly honored. (Do NOT imagine me saying that in an accent a la Master Splinter…)

On the other hand, I have to be honest, I am rather peeved that we are not on the Top 10 List. (Wes Anderson?! Ok. Fine. I can live with that. I like him too) I am not sure whether you have had a chance to read through all 14500+ comments generated by this post. (Great job! Congrats!) Granted most of them are hate mails from all groups of males: Maybe for once they can all agree to hate Asian females and hate each other? I thought I’d leave a post to thank your readers for the new insights about ourselves that I didn’t know before.
Here are a few things I’ve learned from your ab. fab. and maddeningly funny post:

1. If you are white and male and you are looking to date a girl of Asian descent (hey, let’s be PC here, peeps!) show her to your other Asian, preferably male, friends. (If you have no other friends of Asian descent, hmmm, I think there should be another post about this situation but I digress…) As a last resort, take her to any Asian restaurant (No, Panda Express does NOT count!) Ask them whether she is HOT by their standards. Do not trust your own judgement.

2. If you are a girl of Asian descent and are fielding interest from a non-Asian male, do ask him whether he’s ever been to Asia and more importantly, whether he’s taught English there. If YES to the latter or if he has stayed there for longer than a month, RUN.

3. If he says, “I love Panda Express.” Punch him in the nose and then RUN.

4. If you think you may be suffering from Yellow Fever or Asian Fetish, you really should get it looked at. Your insurance may cover it.

In response to the question posted on BlogHer: Dating Deal Breakers: What Merits an Automatic Dismissal?

I said:

“The first two questions I asked my husband as a litmus test when he first showed signs of interest in me (or when I finally were sure that he was interested): 1. Did you belong to a fraternity? 2. Have you ever been to Asia for an extended period of time?/Have you dated a woman of Asian descent?  He answered NO to both.  I admit I based the first question on stereotypes of frat boys from the movies/TV shows.  Yes, I am a Fraternist. No apology there.  The second question was necessary because I am Asian, and I have seen enough Western men (regardless of skin colors) with “yellow fever” to be alarmed. If he were into me JUST (or even, first and foremost) because I am Asian. Then sorry, not into that.  I have also seen enough white boys being totally spoiled in Asian countries thinking they are the cat’s meow to want to weed out, or at least be super cautious towards, anybody that has spent a lot of time over there.

My other deal-breakers are more normal: RUDE to people in the service industry, e.g. waiters, doormen.  Failure to hold doors open for others.  Ok, maybe not so normal. I consider these to be telltale signs for a person’s character.”

Inadvertently I shared too much too candid too soon. Seriously, are you surprised? I may have also touched upon an area, race/skin color, that in general makes people hesitate, if not downright uncomfortable. The host of this discussion did not respond to my comment.

{ 6 comments }

Greg November 16, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Good stuff! I was wondering why a white guy having spent a great deal of time in Asia, disqualifies him from considersation?

Absence Alternatives November 17, 2009 at 7:03 am

Thank you for visiting. I am going to assume your question is for real, so my answering you is not going to peg me as a dork… (Well, I AM a dork. So… Never mind…) It is a bit tongue in cheek. It is based on my own observation, and naturally this does not apply to ALL, just like not all Chinese like rice, and not all Asians have slanted eyes (and you are supposed to say “NOT that there is anything wrong with THAT!”) Perhaps more adoration/attention than they otherwise would have gotten back home gives them the false impression that they have a good chance with anybody that looks Asian? Cockiness? Presumption? That irritates me to no end.

Unknown Mami November 16, 2009 at 6:49 pm

“Ask them whether she is HOT by their standards. Do not trust your own judgement.” made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. You are Brilliant! And no I am not stereo-typing you as smart because you are Asian although…

Seriously, if you are leaving comments like the ones in this post you have to turn them into a post. HAVE TO! Especially if they are not being responded to.

I hope you do this again because I thought I gave good comment, but you my friend are in a league of your own.

You leave more than just traces of yourself in your comments, you let it all hang out and I like it!
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…I Comment Therefore I Am =-.

Absence Alternatives November 17, 2009 at 7:08 am

Dear Mammi, thank you for your very kind comment on my comment. Thank you for much for getting the sarcasm and the wry humor. I comment a bit on racialicious but never get any “response”. I suspect that I am not being serious enough for the people there. Yet I may be touching sensitive subjects on my own blog. Everywhere I go, I am the “wear my heart on my sleeve and can’t shut my sarcastic trap” one, the “inappropriate” one. Oh well. LOL. Your appreciation means a lot to me, esp. after I read your comments on Columbus Day and Thanksgiving Day.

I can’t wait to read your next installment.

Falling November 17, 2009 at 8:28 pm

“Do NOT imagine me saying that in an accent a la Master Splinter…”

Um, is there a way to convey barking laughter in print? BLOL?
.-= Falling´s last blog…Why This Post is Lame =-.

Absence Alternatives November 18, 2009 at 6:31 am

THANK YOU so much for getting it. :-)

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