Day 5 of NaBloPoMo: When in doubt, talk about phobias…

November 5, 2009

in random

I suck. It is only the fifth day of National Blog Posting Month and I am already wanting to quit. Life and work seem to have a way of getting into the way of daily blogging…

I am totally kidding up there.  Blogging should be a supplement to life: a conduit to reflect on life and stuff.  It should not become a substitute for life. Blah blah blah. Oh, who am I kidding?  Blogging now consumes my free thinking hours.  I agonize over what I should blabber about throughout the day.  That is why the whole NaBloPoMo is very stressful for me.  I seem to have a pathological desire to run away when there is something expected of me.  How did I ever finish school?!  More importantly, how did I manage to raise two children?!

Ok.  Phobias.  The real ones.  The irrational fear of something to the extent that you cannot function normally.  I will talk first, and then you join in with yours, ok?

I have a couple of fears that are definitely irrational, but fortunately, neither interferes with my ability to function in a civilized society:

1. Frogs. I kid you not.

Like many ladies, I am not fond of squirmy things such as snakes, worms, earth worms, silk worms, caterpillars.  As a matter of fact, I am dastardly afraid of earth worms and silk worms.  I cannot stare at them for longer than 5 seconds before I am absolutely convinced that I have hives breaking out all over my body.  Silk worms especially bring back traumatic childhood memories:

For some reason, many Chinese schools make it mandatory sometime during grade school for children to raise silk worms and observe them turning into cocoons.  (Hey, it is one of the 5000-year cultural heritage that we get to talk about over and over again.  We will remind you whenver the opportunity presents itself that, WE INVENTED SILK.. ) When it was my class’ turn to keep the silk worms in the classroom, I did not want to go to school for several weeks. One day when the teacher FORCED me to pick one up, I broke down into hysterical screaming. Soon red spots started appearing on my arms and my neck.  Can anyone say “psychosomatic”?

But I digress.  I meant to talk about frogs.  Frogs are something else.

I cannot even look at them in the pictures.  Posters.  On TV.  On the computer monitor.  Nope.  My breath will quicken and my heart beat will start speeding up.

I believe I made my husband swear on his life that he will never never ever threaten me with frogs for any reason.  I wonder whether he has forgotten his oath.  I need to administer a Spanish Inquisition on him as soon as I am done here.

The funny thing is, I actually loved playing with frogs when I was in kindergarten. I remember catching frogs in the rice field bordering the edge of my school (yes, stereotypes aside, there were indeed rice fields behind the kindergarten…) and throwing them at the boys.  One day, we read the book “The Princess and the Frog”.  The long passage where the Princess describes how disgusting the frog is left such an unshakable impression on me that, I believe, I internalized the fear deep inside my psyche.  From that day on, I cannot stand being in the same room with a frog.  Even if it is in captivity.

Wanna guess whether I will go see Disney’s upcoming The Princess and the Frog?

(I am SO grateful I have only boys for this matter. I am not suggesting that boys should not see Princess movies. If I had a daughter, I would really NEED her to watch this DISNEY movie featuring an African American PRINCESS, despite all the controversies already surrounding it, and I would really want to watch it with her; I would have been caught in a bind then since I don’t think I can sit through 90 minutes in the dark with gigantic frogs projected on the screen…  But of course, I digress again…)

2. White Milk. For real.

I cannot bring myself to put my mouth to a glass of white milk.  Everybody told me it tastes like nothing.  At least skim milk does.

“It tastes just like water.”

Uh huh.

The reason why it is categorized as a phobia is because I otherwise have no problem drinking chocolate milk, even the home-made one that does not taste chocolate-y at all (’cause I am too cheap to add a lot of chocolate sauce!)  I can also drink strawberry-flavored milk, apple-flavored milk, fruity-flavored milk.  I just can. not. put that thing to my mouth when it is white.  I don’t know how to explain it.

“Would you drink white milk if someone offered you a million dollars?”  My husband once asked me, out of exasperation.  And I did give it some thoughts.  I even slept on it.

No.  The answer is no.  At least right now when the question is only hypothetical.  Then my answer is a hypothetical no.

Coda: What did I say about google? Google is your friend. Yours. Not mine. On a whim, I googled Frog + Milk. Although I did see entries as interesting as Frog Milkshake, as a fitting conclusion to my rambling, I found something called Amazon Milk Frog. I am attaching a picture of it here for your scientific education because I am generous like that. As for me? I need to go take Benadryl because I am absolutely convinced I have hives breaking out all over my body!

Amazon Milk Frog

My arch nemesis: Look at his smirk...

p.s. If Robert Redford ever offers me $1 million dollars to sleep with him?  You bet ya I would.  In a heart beat.  Naturally, I did not offer this extra bit of information to my husband.  He would not be able to trust me again if we ever meet Robert Redford some day…

p.p.s. Is Robert Redford still alive?  And if I have to ask this question, perhaps I should Not be so enthusiastic when he propositions to me…

p.p.p.s.  Whew.  Turns out he is still alive.  And looking darn good…

Robert Redford

For a 73-year-old…  Darn.  I wish he had propositioned to me 16 years ago right after he propositioned to Demi Moore…  Too late now, Mr. Redford.  Eat your heart out!

p.p.p.p.s. Dear Mr. Redford, you are fine.  Please still proposition me and the answer is yes.  I only wish that your buddy Mr. Newman were still alive since he was the one I really had the hots for.  The more faithful a man is to his wife, the more desirable he becomes. I hope you have learned this from watching your friend.


Miranda November 6, 2009 at 12:23 am

First time I think I’ve posted a comment, I’ve only just found your blog. Frogs. Just to tell you a story from a random stranger. When my mom was little she collected a bucket full of green tree frogs, she called them green peepers, anyway, she had no where to put the frogs so she put them in the toilet…Her mom went to the bathroom, didn’t look in the toilet before sitting down and one of the green peepers hopped up and hit her on the butt. She then flushed all of the little froggies down the toilet.
I used to like frogs, when I was little, now if they get near me I squeel. No idea why though.
I am also doing the NaBloPoMo (which is the hardest thing to type by the way) And I’m having a little bit of a hard time myself!
Have a good night! Love your blog! And thanks for leading me to other good ones!
.-= Miranda´s last blog…Hobo Ghosts (I will be offensive, just warning you) =-.

Absence Alternatives November 6, 2009 at 12:43 am

@ Miranda
Thank you for visiting my blog and for commenting. I love yours esp. the tagling “A grown woman’s blatant refusal to grow up”. Exactly how I feel. I am going to keep this attitude up till I hit 80. And then I am going to be even more obnoxious. You with me? 😉 Let’s give each other moral support to survive this NaBloPoMo thing. (Not is it hard to write, it is hard to say too. MoFo what?!)

Jane November 6, 2009 at 9:18 am

I love the posts when you make me think. And I love the posts when you crack me up. Forget it. Maybe I just love your posts. Are you familiar with the children’s book How Joe The Bear And Sam The Mouse Got Together? Quick synopsis: a bear and mouse meet, like each other and try to find things they have in common. They might like sports, but not the same kind of sports. They like music, but not the same kind. And on and on it goes. They finally find something they both like together, however. So it’s a happy ending. (Oops! Spoiler. Sorry!) And unfortunately, I’m finding we’re like that. :( I LOVE frogs (one of my sons was born on leap day!) and I LOVE white milk. I prefer it over chocolate milk and I love chocolate. But…..we both like Robert Redford (and Paul Newman) So….if he’s up (forgive the pun) for a threesome I’d totally do it with you!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Get Your Wrinkled Boobs Right Here At Theycallmejane’s Blog! Hurry! Get ‘Em While They Last! =-.

Linwood's Girl November 6, 2009 at 10:28 am

Mine is having a tree fall on me while I am asleep…….like FALL THROUGH THE WALLS AND ROOF…..I am ridiculous. I will have to post an explanation one day….there is one, swear.

I can’t believe he is 73. I wonder what 73 year old “junk” is like?….think I will pass for now;)
.-= Linwood’s Girl´s last blog…i will FAIL =-.

Velva November 6, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Lin- Please pick me up from the floor-I am hysterically laughing. Where the hell do you come up with this stuff? You bring tears to my eyes.
As for the frogs? I don’t mind them, as long they are not jumping in my hair as I open my backdoor on a warm humid night. Yup, you guessed it, They are everywhere on my patio during froggy season, they love the bugs, it helps them perform, if you know what I mean. Are you reaching for the benadryl? :-)

P.S. I would do Robert Redford too.
P.S.S. I told my husband that if Bruce Springsteen ( not good looking but, oh man what a story teller) wanted me, I would just have too. His response? “If he will have you, I will forgive you” I guess he’s placing his bets on the odds of Bruce Springsteen showing up because he could not take another moment of his existence without me.
P.S.S.S. I get the irrational milk aversion…Appears, I have that issue with FISH. You can prepare a beautiful grilled or stunning fish dish and I would just be beside myself gagging. However, open a can of chunk light tuna with onion and mayonnaise and I suddenly think it taste fabulous. What’s wrong with that picture?
P.S.S.S.S. I am looking forward to each day of your 30-day blog posting. Don’t give up!
.-= Velva´s last blog…One Martini, Two Martini, Three Martini, The Floor =-.

Absence Alternatives November 6, 2009 at 10:48 pm

@ Jane
Whew. You had me worry over there when I saw the frown face. Yup. Definitely cannot respond to your comment again. People will really just want to yell this inside their heads:

Absence Alternatives November 6, 2009 at 10:49 pm

@ Linwood’s Girl
LOL. I can’t really think about it either… 😉 You HAVE TO write the story otherwise you’d be just teasing, that’d be mean…

Absence Alternatives November 6, 2009 at 10:55 pm

@ Velva
You will be hearing from my attorney regarding the hives and my accountant regarding the bill for Benadryl. You and tuna fish. That is just weird. Actually, I once mixed tuna, corn and Ketchup together ’cause I was a impoverished graduate student. My husband still gags when he talks about it. Ha. And seriously, with me and you and Jane, RR may actually die of a heartache. But it would be a happy ending for him. Not a “happy ending” happy ending, mind you. (Google the meaning of it, ladies… 😉 ) But a Happy ending of his life. p.s. No wonder Snap Shots considers my site to be of “adult content”….

Jane November 7, 2009 at 8:55 am

OMG…I learn something new from you every day. I can now add “happy ending” to my vocabulary in a way I never thought I would!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Jane’s Own Make A Difference Saturday =-.

Absence Alternatives November 7, 2009 at 10:00 am

@ Jane
Glad to be of service, m’lady. I wonder whether your husband will be thanking me or hating me…

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