How do you know what you are having is NOT swine flu? Waiting for the other shoe to drop…

October 14, 2009

in random

For days I thought I may have had IT. Not because I had any telltale symptoms because, well, so far, after I scoured the Interweb, I can’t find any statement on Telltale Signs for Swine Flu.

I watched the CDC video with an obsession, “Symptoms of H1N1” at 2 am in the morning one night when I woke up with a bad cough. Was that a sniffle? Did I feel slightly hot? COMPLETELY USELESS. You can watch it for a laugh if you wish:

“The symptoms of 2009 H1N1 flu virus in people include fever, cough, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue.”  (Copied and pasted directly from the CDC website)

So what we are told is that the symptoms are exactly like any other common flu. Why? Because Swine Flu is just another flu!

The rational part of my mind keeps on telling me THAT. The irrational part of my mind, which is not surprisingly a lot bigger, made me stare at the mirror at 3 am in the morning examining myself to make sure that I didn’t look bluish, because the only ONE symptom that makes H1N1 stand out is that it may turn your skin bluish, and when that happens, you need to seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY.

Wow.  Really.  I didn’t realize I should PANIC when I find my kid looking like a Smurf!!!

Since I couldn’t tell Swine Flu from any other animal, I started hoping that what I had was a COLD.  At least with a cold, my kids and I would not be forced into a “house arrest” and be the laughing stock behind the doors in the neighborhood. (ADMIT IT! You would totally make fun of someone you know if they’ve caught it. That is, of course, if they recover with no other damage to their health) And my kids would NOT have gone down the school history as THOSE KIDS WITH THE SWINE FLU.  (You know how brutal children can be.  THIS is easy fodder, let me tell ya…)

I curse the person who came up with this name!

So I started searching the Interweb for differences between a cold and a flu:


  • Stuffy nose
  • Congestion
  • Body aches
  • Growing cough
  • Symptoms last 3 to 5 days

  • H1N1 or Seasonal Flu:
  • Fever
  • More painful body aches
  • Dry cough
  • Diarrhea
  • Severe fatigue
  • Respiratory problems
  • Dehydration

This was when I started waiting for “the other shoe to drop”.  I willed myself to have a stuffy nose.  A bad cough.  Congestion.  Come on!  Give it to me!!  Let me HAVE it!!!  So I can be reassured that what I have right now is NOT a flu!

Yes.  In case you are wondering, I have had 20+ years of education.  No.  I don’t watch Jerry Springfield or Maury on a regular basis, nor do I aspire to be a guest on their show.

I was elated when my nose started running, my chest felt congested, and my cough felt WET.

Don’t judge me. And I will not make fun of you if you catch IT.

Update 1: I finally gathered myself up to see a nurse practitioner this past Sunday.  She was utterly convinced that 1) I’ve got Sinus Infection 2) I spent too much time on the Internet.

Update 2: I went to see another doctor today because the antibiotics are not making the cough go away.  I seriously cough like an opium addict.  He was utterly convinced that I’ve got a bad case of allergy, which was part of the result of Global Warming.  So I am now on Steroid.  Oh, and the best part of all this?  I am also on Codeine.


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